The Subject No One Wants to Talk About

Tonight we're going to talk about something that no one wants to talk about. Suicide. Now I had created a group about 3 years ago that was meant to help those who were thinking about, had thought about, had ever self harmed, or just needed someone to be there to keep them from getting to that point.  I had a good number I was helping.  And after taking a personal break from it for about a year, I reconnected with my group.  Many of my group I had taken under my wing to help more in depth than the rest.  Those who were truly struggling.  There were those who I could not reach, could not connect with and help on a more true level.

There was one I just couldn't help.  And to her, I am sorry I couldn't have helped more.  I wish I could help you, and make you not feel so alone in this world.  Let you know that there are people who truly care for you, about you.  This just makes me want to reach out more.  This makes me want to help more of those Sandra's out there.  I want to make a difference in your life.  I am a team member of To Write Love on Her Arms, and have helped other's in your situation.  I have gone through many life experiences and have talked to other group leaders, I will find a way to help you.

Whenever you feel alone, scared or like you just can't go any further... there are ways.  I was at rock bottom many times, or so I thought and found a way through.  I won't preach to you about God, but I will tell you faith is my main driving factor in my life.  Don't ever feel alone.  I promise you there is someone else sitting in any given room who feels the same as you.  Even when they look happy and okay, they can be crumbling apart on the inside. I am the mastermind of facades, and can pull a smile out of my ass, so I know a thing or two about this.  Don't ever feel like you can't talk to someone about it. There are people who are willing to listen.  I watched a friend who was absolutely fine commit suicide.  She was absolutely fine one day and the next she swallowed her father's pain pills.  She felt as though she couldn't tell anyone about it.  People would have jumped to help her. If only we had known.  However we can't change the past, instead I will help those like her.  I have lost too many friends to suicide, to watch this go unnoticed.

This world can be cruel and unforgiving at times.  There are the silver linings in there as well.  It is all about perspective in things.  You need to know that those who are going through this, will be your best friends.  You will find strength in numbers. Cliche sounding I know, but it is the God's honest truth. Now I found solitude in spoken poetry for awhile, just a little niche for me. But one that was actually at a HEAVY AND LIGHT (if you don't know what that is, that would be a giant festival of sorts for TWLOHA).  His name is Anis Mojgani, and I find his writing inspirational.  My favorite poem by him is called Shake the Dust.  The ending is something I point out to many of my group members,

"So shake the dust and take me with you when you do for none of this has never been for me.

All that pushes and pulls, pushes and pulls for you.

So grab this world by its clothespins and shake it out again and again and jump on top and take it for a spin and when you hop off shake it again for this is yours.

Make my words worth it, make this not just another poem that I write, not just another poem like just another night that sits heavy above us all.

Walk into it, breathe it in, let is crash through the halls of your arms at the millions of years of millions of poets coursing like blood pumping and pushing making you live, shaking the dust.

So when the world knocks at your front door, clutch the knob and open on up, running forward into its widespread greeting arms with your hands before you, fingertips trembling though they may be."

Here is the video of the whole poem.

If you ever feel that you need help, I am more than happy to talk to you.  I am thinking about creating a virtual group so I can reach out to those who aren't in my area. more easily  I am always here to talk.  I won't go into my experiences here but I will tell you about them through communications.  I will try my hardest to help you.  I may not be there to give you a hug, but I can help.  I can also give you sites that will help.  What you confide in me, stays with me.  If you want to become part of the group, or a virtual group please don't hesitate to reach out to me.  I know my blog is linked to my Google+ account and you can easily message me through there.  Please don't be afraid. You will find out from talking to me that I have struggled with self harm and suicide as well.  I am here to listen and help.

If you are struggling with suicide, there are places you can go or reach out to for help.
The suicide prevention hotline number is 1 (800) 273-8255.  You can go to To Write Love on Her Arms website, this has stories of others and ways to reach out to others going through it or who have gone through it.  Another great website as to save a life.  Both I think can help a lot.  Please do not hesitate to reach out for help.





I want to take a moment to dedicate this to those who lost the battle with themselves.  You will not be forgotten, and are still loved to this day.  May you rest easy.