CNA, Chuck Norris Approved

Work has been kicking my butt.  I love my nursing home, but some days I think everyone has forgotten what it means to be a CNA.  I get so happy seeing my residents get well and progressing but I get so mad at my peers for some of the things they do. I feel a bit bitter today because I was helping EVERYONE on the floor today but an hour till my shift ended my hall was such a mess and no one wanted to help my residents. I was so mad. Plus alot of our patients are extensive and overweight. I’m only 145 pounds and its like fuck….do you really expect me to transfer this person alone?

There’s just so much misscomunication all around and lazy ass cnas. No matter how big your role is you are still doing patient care. I wish people would take their job seriously and compitently .

I’m just so frustrated.

So since I don't have anything long and exciting to tell y'all, I have short snippets for you. Sorry I know, a little lame. 

-On Saturday I had just arrived on shift and was doing report rounding with a co-worker. We had gone into a patients room and while I was receiving report, the patient proceeded to notify me that he was going to bite me. I stared at him for a moment (processing). He then proceeded to ask me if  I minded….

-I was changing an incontinent patient yesterday and I began to raise the bed up. I stopped and turned around to get something off the bedside table and I heard this familiar mechanical noise. I turned around to see the bed still rising with a shocked patient looking at me.I immediately begin pressing the down button which led to this weird power struggle between the bed and I. I was stuck there for few minutes waiting for someone to come down the hall and help me.

When Help arrived the conversation went like this:

Me: Watch this… *bed starts moving up by it self*

Co-worker: You got skills.

Me: Thanks, and while I’ve managed to magically make it go up I can’t seem to make it come back down. Help?

Eventually, we got the bed down. I however never raised the bed again that night. (Please, overly stressed back, forgive me)

- A resident tried to set me up with his grandson Friday. We aren't going into details about that one. 

- I watched an 105-year-old woman dance the Cupid Shuffle. Top that.

- Somebody cursed me by saying the Q word.... 

- Another CNA got bit by a resident, and then beat up by her.  Seriously, we're talking bruises and all.  Then three hours later had apple sauce thrown on her by another resident.  

- One of the nurse at work told me that I was mean. SMDH, really?? Just cause I was running around getting stuff for a new patient and your patient wanted a bath at the end of my shift and I said “No”. I had already gave baths, rounds, clean rooms, and trying to do some last minute charting. But she was on the internet, looking at her phone and running her mouth. She could have easily set the women up or tell her that night shift will clean her.

-I was getting this guy dressed the other morning and he only had one sock and I was looking everywhere for the other one and then I remembered he only had one leg.

Okay seriously I will stop lacking eventually.  But until then, enjoy this video because I love to make y'all laugh. Much love, always. 

CNA, Certified Nasty Asshole

So today one of my resident alarm was beeping and I didn’t know that it meant that the battery needed to be changed so I just left it there. Then this 3rd shift aide came and she was like completely shitty, and let me describe it in detail. She was yelling, talking ghetto, pointing finger at me and said

"You need to change that battery before you leave here cause I ain’t dealing with 3-11 shit. You won't change it and neither will they. I’m done."

Pat.

Pat the CNA.

So you’re over 50 years old, a CNA, talks like a ghetto chick, swears like a sailor, and complains about every little thing? Oh yea, and I think you came with the building when it was built. 

I don’t usually judge people on their social status and their job but wow. Woooow. You obviously didn’t do things right when you were my age. So I can’t blame you for being the way you are. What can I say? I hate using this saying but your mother did not raise you well. I’m not sorry lady cause it’s the truth. I can’t even call you a lady cause your not one. If you think that’s attractive to act that way then you have some serious issue.

& Pat.

Pat the CNA who works 3rd shift.

If you’re saying that it’s because you’re speaking out your mind and your just saying what’s wrong. No. Just no. There are so many different way to approach the situation. The way you did it was just unacceptable.

That was humiliating and yes I get that I should’ve known that I should’ve changed the battery but in all honesty. I’m pretty sure you didn’t have the authority to do that. To tell me that I have to go track down a battery to change the battery or else I couldn't go back to my residents who need to get up for breakfast.

… What?

Yeah Pat.

Pat, only the 3rd shift CNA.

I don’t think you had that authority at all. How would you feel if I humiliated you like that? What happen if you first started working here and I was a veteran like you and acted that was towards you? If you said that you would deal with it with no problems then you have no compassion and this isn’t the job for you. With that attitude, you have the potential to create a hostile environment. Shame on you. & if all you do is complain, then you need to find yourself another job or get over it.

& when I walked down the hall to get the battery. She said it loud and clear. Way too loud for the residence who were sleeping that “I should be doing my job instead of wasting your time to read a book.” I wasn’t reading a book. I was making a list of what I should do before I go to bed. That list includes the following: apply for the nursing program at a different college, find out how much my books cost this semester, budget for a QMA class, and possibly see if I can pick up a second job in my field. .

Does that look like I’m wasting my time?

Pat.

Pat the CNA who’s completely miserable.

You will be forever remember in this post as a miserable bitch. :)

Sincerely,

The future nurse/Radiologist you looked down on.

P.S “Pat is a fucking bitch. Always has been” I didn’t say it. Someone else did. :D

Bed Bugs Biting....

If you have ever had a bad day, I think I probably have you beat.  I just love when my residents are having a bad day as well.  Apparently the bed bugs bit everyone at work today and left them getting out on the wrong side and just plain angry.  My first resident that I had to get up set the mood for the entire day.  Now I normally walk in and sing to her to wake her up (cheesy, yes I know), but when she opened her eye today all she had was a lovely response of "Fuck off, get the hell out of my room you rat."  Well then.  After struggling to get her dressed, and even bribing her with her 0730 cigarette, she was not having any part of getting up.  While trying to transfer her from her bed to her wheelchair, she decided my arm sounded tastier than breakfast to her.  After nibbling on my forearm and trying to take a chunk with her finger nails with her for a snack, I finally got her in her chair.  Battle scars I tell ya.  Her tirade wasn't done with just me yet however.

As we sat in the restorative dining room (where we take those who have to be fed or prompted to eat, or even just watched while eating) a nurse tried to help her eat since she hadn't touched her pancakes yet.  Clearly she was still full on tasty Lauren meat. As he sat there and tried to feed her she let out this shriek that I have never heard before. Imagine a cross between a dying cat and a walrus mating.  It was almost terrifying.  She looked at him as serious as a heart attack and screamed, "YOU STOP HITTING ME RIGHT THIS INSTANT OR I WILL HAVE YOU KILLED IN YOUR SLEEP!"  Y'all, I can't even make this shit up.  Poor thing sat there looking so shocked she had yelled at him that he might as well cry.  Unfortunately this is how people get fired.  Think about it, if he had been in her room without the three nurses and four CNA's that were in the dining room with him, he would have had no witnesses to claim he hadn't hit her.  And what about evidence you might ask?  Old people bruise like 2 week over ripe bananas.  They blink and they get a bruise.  I swear.

There was a highlight to my day.  I got to shower one of my residents who's laugh is contagious.  While in the shower I like to let the residents hold the sprayer, it gives them a sense of independence, even though I am still doing all the washing.  While he was giggling away, he turned the sprayer on me and started to give me the shower!  Seriously, I got to walk around the rest of the day (or at least until my scrubs dried out) soaking wet.  Oh yes.

Hope y'all are having a great day! Much love to y'all!

Medical Jargon

So, I have decided to take this blog a different way.  Since I have been busier than a whore in the Red Light District with both my jobs and schooling, I have been trying to come up with good ideas to write about.  While sitting in the medical section of Barnes and Nobles the other day, I found a book that I plan on devouring soon.  It's called, "Confessions of a Surgeon."  The author goes into real life problems and incidents as a teaching guides for young surgeons coming up through the farm.  Now how many of you have seen the movie Waiting?  It's a first hand look at how waiters work.  Now obviously it is geared to be a comedy, but it was based off of a book where the author basically wrote about how much it sucked being a waiter.  So why couldn't I do the same with my job?  Besides the obvious with HIPAA and what not, I started looking into it.  As long as I changed their names and never disclose where I work (or at least change the name) I can talk freely about anything going on. Thus, the new blog idea was born.  I am going to talk about real life problems as a CNA/PCA and an up and coming medical student.

Now while you are training for you CNA certification, you are considered a BNA.  I like to call them snowflakes, because they often flake out on you and are state mandated to wear white scrubs.  The problem with these BNAs, they often forget that they control someones life while they are on the clock. Some don't realize how much they do control, or how much responsibility rests on their shoulders. But, we all start somewhere and we were all snowflakes at some point, so in due time they will learn all the tricks to the trade. However, while on the floor the BNAs have to ask to breath let alone give any care as any person on our floor are our responsibilities, and while we might not have given the care (right or wrong) we are responsible for them.  Which means, if they mess up, it's out fault.  And our certification.   

We have had these snowflakes on the floor with us for about two weeks now.  Most of them have gripped the concept by now, but some of them just feel they are God's gift and no longer have anything to learn from us.  When we have one of these dirty snowflakes with their nose up in the air, we strike them down, hard.  Shelby is one of those.  Now on our hall, we have a few residents who are on a fluid restriction.  Basically, if we let them, they would drink the Atlantic ocean and then pee themselves for the next 6 hours.  So, like a bar we have to cut them off.  During lunch, these residents with a drinking problem are all tagged, so it becomes easier to recognize them.  Now like I said before, the BNAs are not allowed to do ANYTHING without asking us if it is okay.  It was just another lunch, same thing different day.  The snowflakes were helping out in the dinning room, shouldn't be too hard right? Apparently it was.  Now, we had warned the snowflakes of our heavy drinkers, and reminded them to not refill any of their drinks.  

Well, Shelby decided she knew more than we did and refilled Mama K's coffee cup.  We noticed after she quickly downed the cup that Shelby had refilled her cup. After reminding her again to not refill her drink, we continued to help the other snowflakes feed some of our other residents.  But guess what? Shelby decided to refill her cup again.  Oh we aren't done yet, she then gave her a glass of water.  This probably doesn't seem like that big of deal, but trust me it was.  Poor Mama K didn't stand a chance.  She barely made it down the hall in her wheel chair before she was dripping piss.  Naturally, we got lovely Shelby to come change her.  Mean? No, learning experience.  We figured she could handle changing a brief (a nicer way of saying adult diaper) by herself.  After about 20 minutes, she came and found me to ask if I could take her oxygen off since as a BNA she can't legally take that off of a resident.  Now, this was step one so what was she doing for 20 minutes?  Oh well, I'll let it slide.  I get the oxygen and let her get back to doing what she was gifted to do.  As if her pouting about having to change a brief wasn't funny enough for us (it was a long day, it was funny) as Shelby was transferring Mama K to the porcelain thrown, Mama K decided to piss and shit all over Shelby's leg and shoes, oh and the floor.  Shelby ran out of the room, running down the hall way, tracking her present with her.  

She ran and started crying to her teacher, asking her if house keeping could go clean the room up.  Like a good teacher, Jay informed her that house keeping doesn't deal with bio-hazards such as blood, or shit, handed her a sanitizer bottle and told her to not miss a spot.  So picture this girl, in sweats a size too small, knelt on the ground cleaning this up.  The entire time she is cussing us out just loud enough so we can hear.  Honestly, it might have been the funniest thing I have ever seen.  If you're wondering what happened to Mama K, don't worry.  We helped her get cleaned up the right way, no more snowflakes for her.  

I think that will be the first segment for this blog, don't want to give away all my stories on the first post.  But I will leave you with a little gem.  Now we are all a bit loopy around the nursing home.  You kind of have to be to deal with the end result of some of the residents.  But imagine seven CNAs and three nurses all in a conga line, running around the home asking everyone if they knew what day it was.... that's right HUMP DAAAYYYYY!!!! Yea, we're nuts.  But hey, we bring great joy to the the residents and that's all that matters.  Much love y'all!