Would you Like a Bible with that Coffee?

As you all know, the boyfriend and I are back in Chesterton.  We went to his old church today instead of the one he took me too on Easter that I kind of fell for.  He wanted to show me what our church is striving to become.  And don't get me wrong, it was a gorgeous, well put together and maintained place.  They had a little gift shop, a coffee shop, different day cares for your kids, and everything you could imagine in a church (like the MegaChurch in King of the Hill)

But in all of this, I felt like it was impersonal.  Which sounds weird right?  It is on the cutting edge of technology and above all it is geared towards the modern side of everything from the overhead projector that is playing amazing graphics behind the seven person band, (complete with 2 drum sets, 2 electric guitars, an acoustic guitar, and a guy who plays the electric flute, clarinet, and saxophone.) the electronic, touch screen collection "plate" where you can give to the church even if you only have your credit card on you, to the flat screen tv's set up all around the church so even if you're in the coffee shop you can watch the service.  It is exactly what our generation has made church to evolve to.  And you would think that I would be all over it.  But.... I was sadly turned off by it.  Don't get me wrong, it is amazing what they have done for and with this church, but when did church become this epicenter?  

I was raised attending a Catholic church, complete with incense and the 50 minute work out of standing up, kneeling, and sitting down. As Rich says, you're always competing for the bigger hat (the pope is obviously the winner with is 6 foot hat). If you weren't in the best clothes you own, you were wrong.  If you didn't strive to become a pope or a head of the church, then you were wrong.  If you didn't devote your entire existence not to God but the church, you were wrong.  If you breathed, you were wrong.  Okay, that is an exaggeration, but you get the point. But it was all of this that turned me off of attending church.  Sure I shipped around after I moved out and was on my own, but I always seemed to find this church all over again.  I don't want to be talked down to during service.  I don't want to feel judged the second I walk through the doors.  After all, there is only one who can judge me, so why does it feel that everyone feels their opinion matters? 

It was this church that made me terrified to go back to church.  But of course the boyfriend asked me to go with him on Easter.  I was terrified I would burst into flames when I walked near the doors.  However, as I told you, I was enlightened and absolutely fell in love with this church and the community behind it. I have never wanted to go back to a church this bad in my life.  So, seeing as he must have amazing judgement in churches, when he told me we were going to go to the second church, I was hoping it would be just as uplifting as the previous experience with him.  Sadly I was mistaken.  

The sermon itself was well put together, and I understand what he was trying to throw out there; however, it went in one ear and out the other. Nothing he said really spoke to me the way that Pastor Greg had at Duneland.  Their band was by far amazing, but with that budget who's wouldn't be?  And the fact that they had all these add-ons... it just left a bad taste in my mouth.  I'm not exactly sure why I don't "like" this church, or why I don't like it equally... but one thing is for sure, I'll be going back to DCC.  I tried to give this one a fair shot, but it fell short on me.  But I am beyond ecstatic that I finally found a church that feels like a complete fit to me. 

Why hello, Chesterton

I missed you guys! It has been a long and hectic past few days. I am so glad it is all over.  As y'all know, we moved the hour and a half back to Chesterton.  Finally away from the South Bend Beast!  Actually, we're just happy to be out form under the thumb of the management over there.  The 20 foot Uhaul was packed almost to burst, and yet somehow we got here with only a few casualties.

Like the box frame for the bed....

But has anyone else noticed that it takes hours and days to pack up all of your belongings into boxes and it seems the unpacking process is so much faster?  Maybe that is just me but it seems like it took us hours upon hours to pack our whole life up into these boxes and in one night I have the majority of the house unpacked already.  I just don't understand how on Earth people ever find places for things to go.  How was my house so organized before we packed our house up?  I don't get how we are going to find places for all of our stuff to go?  I mean, we have boxes in our bathtub, and boxes up the wall!

 You see those boxes?  They're everywhere!

 And more here!! Who puts boxes in a bath tub? Only us...

There was a little excitement last night... but we won't get into the details of that.  But I can proudly say that I know how to get to one of the main streets now! Haha, I feel so accomplished.  I am hoping to finish packing tonight before the boyfriend and I head out to a bonfire tonight, much needed relaxation.  We might post a joint video together instead of writing one day.  Not sure yet. But, this was just another update, more soon y'all!

Pleasantly excited!

Y'all I am way to excited here.  I sold my first thing off of Pleasantly Made (the etsy shop) the other day (pretty sure I have said this about twenty times now), but I am way to excited about it. I shipped it out today and I can not believe how easy it way.  I guess I never have sold anything, just bough, but now I understand why people do it!  It's like a new high or something (kidding, completely kidding).  I still have to find the right box to ship my bow it... now sure how that one is going to play out but I'll figure it out.  I might just call UPS and see if they will ship it in the case. Not like anything can break inside the case.

I feel as though I have so many projects going on at once though. Lets see... I'm running Pleasantly Made, running a blog, moving, finding a job, and still trying to knit my blanket.  I have smaller ones I'm working on too but those are the main ones.

I have decided to start making dream catchers again for the shop.  After looking around at some of them online, I realized I can make (and have made) much better quality then these jokes I see on here.  Officially, once we move back to Chesterton and the funds straighten out I will be making them.  Unless you want to special order them, in which case I will be more than happy to make them for you now.

As for the move, we haven't packed a damn thing really.  In our 3rd bedroom we have had boxes piled high and never really ventured into the vast beyond of the doorway.  We finally went through and decluttered, selling off some of the things we have, and pitching the rest.  Then we reboxed things up and set them against the wall.  We are hoping to turn that room into the "staging room."  Yea, that is all we have done, to a 3 bedroom 2 bath house.  Do you realize how much crap we have? No... I don't think you even know.  Y'all we pack the Uhaul up in 6 days!  Less than that actually. I don't think we planned this very well.

As for the move, I am finally getting excited about it.  I was dreading the idea of packing everything up (ok, that part I am still dreading) and moving to a new place... but I actually might be a fan of it now.  Am I looking forward to packing and unpacking all my possessions in about two weeks? Hell no. But starting over in a new town and hopefully getting my life back on track? Duh. Maybe I can catalyst Pleasantly Made from here.  Or maybe get back in touch with friends I lost when I moved so far away. Or maybe just be able to finally get things back in order.  Not sure which is more appealing.

Not much to talk about here lately, sorry.  But as always, much love y'all! Don't forget to check out the boyfriend's blog. Also, Pleasantly Made (the etsy shop) is right here. Hopefully I have more eventful news to share tomorrow!

Pleasantly Made

Way too excited right now!  We finally got our first purchase off of our Etsy store, Pleasantly Made. I finally feel like things are starting to work out right around here with our little side shop.  And of course, that made me go looking for other ideas that we can make and sell.  Now I have about 50 things I want to make and learn to make faster so I can turn them around.  I am hoping to be able to knit faster here so I can make infinity scarves.  How cool would that be?  This means that I could keep buying products for other projects I'm working on.  Or keep buying feathers.  I know I have complicated making feather jewelry with all the feathers I have now.  Or just offer my services for feather hair extensions still.  I haven't made my mind up yet.

I have thought about doing wood work things as well.  I'm talking like wine racks that looked aged.  Crosses too. I tried looking online for cute ideas for things to make, but a lot were simply things for kids to do.  I am not looking for that.  I want to find things I can do and make that I can sell.  I used to know how to make wrap jewelry (if you don't know, that is when there is a gem or stone wrapped in metal and made into anything your heart desires like a necklace or bracelet what have you).  I know in the sewing world I know that I want to make this maxi skirt I found a pattern for a long time ago but just couldn't make it at the time.

I mean, how cute is that?  And it is super cheap. I am also thinking about making the infinity dresses.  If you know what they are, then you are amazing.  If not then I am about to educate you. They are super simplistic and are just absolutely amazing.  I think every woman needs one of these in their closet.  I was going to make these as my bridesmaid dresses, they cost about $12 in labor but places are charging almost $250 for one! That is a little crazy y'all.  But honestly, who wouldn't want one of these beauties in their closet?

In other news, I looked more into the Navy today.  Was all gun ho until the boyfriend slapped reality in my face.  Awesome.  My problem is that is I enlist, I want to deploy.  Not sit in some nice, guarded hospital or work my days at a VA.  Weird, again I know. So then my question is, is this even possible for a medic to do?  And if so, what on earth is that MOS called?  I also don't want to do the ROTC program and come out as an officer.  I would rather go through boot and training and still be an enlisted.  I know my terms are probably completely off, but hey! I am not military (yet).

I start work in like 14 hours and have no will to go to sleep tonight.  I'm fucked I know. I have to be up in 8 hours, which would be fine except we all know that I am a night owl and don't sleep when I should, or when it is convenient.  Instead I am probably going to get about 4 hours of sleep and chug along for whole day.  Life as me I suppose.  Even better, I have created a monster with the boyfriend.  He is too happy with his blog.  He is in "happy land" currently, writing an epic of a blog. I guess I distract him.. pshht little ole me? Yea, okay I am a handful and could probably annoy a sniper enough to pull off of mark and shoot me instead.  But hey, at least I'm cute!

Wish me luck on a day of about twenty septillion things to do tomorrow.  And as always, much love y'all. Today I am going to leave you with a video that I cried laughing too.

It's a Small World After All

Ever had one of those moments when you just sit back and all you can think is "whoa."  Yea, you might have guessed it, but I just did.  Now the boyfriend and I watched this amazing movie called "Craigslist Joe."  It truly is an inspirational movie.  The premise of the movie is this student (I'm guessing video or film major) is going to live off of purely Craigslist ads for one month.  I'm talking no money, and no contact to people whom he knows off of Craigslist.  He has to basically find somewhere to live, someway to eat, and live via Craigslist.  It's truly inspirational and he gets to see the country out of the goodness of people's hearts.  Great movie, go watch it.  But the boyfriend and I got to talking about Craigslist.  I never noticed some of the things they have up there.

Now there is one section I knew about and was trying to explain to him.  It's called missed connections.  Basically, it is someplace you post a shout out to someone who you felt a connection or you just want to tell them they are beautiful or what have you.  Some of them are as simple as, "You passed me at the gas station, we spoke a few words, and I really wanted to get to know you.  If you see this, please respond to this post."

While trying to explain this to the boyfriend, I used a personal experience.  I was going to school up in Chicago, and was commuting home to Northwest Indiana for the holidays.  While on the "L" (the public trains up in Chicago) I noticed this guy about my age traveling with 3 bags and a Violin case.  I felt bad for him and smiled.  I noticed he got off on my stop and was trying to get down the stairs to the street with all these bags.  I helped him get down the stairs and went on my way. As I headed into the Metra/South Shore station, I couldn't help that he was still following me.  My train got there and we ended up on the same train, sitting right next to each other (well, he was in the seat in front of me).  He had turned around one and kinda smiled and I just plugged into my iPod and starred out the window.  He turned around again and conversation struck up.  Turns out he was going to school in NYC and was home for the holidays as well.  Originally from Chesterton.

When we got to my stop (an hour later and very much into the conversation) the conductor informed him her needed to move to the front two cars of the train since passed this stop the doors back in our car wouldn't open anymore.  I felt bad for him having to move all his things again, so I helped him grab his bags and run to the front of the train.  I had enough time to drop his things off with him and then get back off the train before it departed again.  Never once learning his name.  Although I was so intrigued and wished I had caught it.  Just a passing glance meet and greet kind of thing.

I got to this part of the story and the boyfriend stopped and asked, "Wait, he's from Chesterton?  I grew up there hun, what did he look like, how old was he?"  I remember a few brief snippets from our conversation, like how we were both freshman in college at the time so he had to be my age. And the fact that he was blonde with curly hair.  So the boyfriend starts digging around on Facebook and pulls up the picture... that looks exactly like the kid I met on the train.  Low and behold, this kid is going to school in NYC.  Go figure.  It's the mystery man on the train.  The boyfriend immediately messages him and basically says, "hey man, not sure if you remember me form school but I have this crazy story to tell you..." and proceeds to explain it all.

Small world huh?  Crazy how things happen.  Or how people who you thought you would never see or hear from again are actually so close.  I guess we really are only six people removed.

The Bucket

We have all heard of (or recently seen) the bucket list.  This brings a question for you... what do you want to do before you kiss the ground?  There are the obvious ones for me, like get married and raise a family. But what else?

Here is my bucket list...

Run a marathon
I know this may sound daunting  but to me it sounds like absolute fun.  I want nothing more than to sport that 26.2 sticker on my car.

Sky Dive
Again, sounds scary, but I want to do it.  Can you imagine the adrenaline?  I'm terrified of heights, but this is the one thing that I would suck it up for.

Work for the Cancer Treatment Centers of America
Okay, this is more like a life goal... but it still counts.

Use my medical experience overseas to help our soldiers
I want to give my service and help those who really need it.  I know that I actually can't without enlisting (anything possibility that I have thought about and seriously tossed around joining the Navy as a Corpsman) but if I could, I would jump on that quicker than a stripper on a dollar.

Own a boat
I'm talking like a "should be called a yacht" boat.  About 68 feet long with the live in cabin, two bedrooms maybe with a shower and plasma tv's everywhere you can look.  Just so I can take long trips across Lake Michigan and not have to stop.

Go to Africa
I have no real reason for this... just want to go.

Learn to play guitar
Anything thing I have no reason for, but I want to do just to do.

Have a farm
I say this, but you have to understand to the extent I want it.  I want to have crops I can be self-sufficient on. I want cattle and horses and some pigs... and a goat.  I want land to be able to do, whatever the fuck I want.  A pole barn to keep my equipment in, and a stable for the horses only, and then obviously would have to have something for the cattle.

My absolute dream?  Keep going to college and earn all my degrees.  Go sky dive and run a few marathons.  Right out of my last year med school I want to take a two week vacation to Africa to see what I can. Then come home and enter my residency, all awhile still running marathons.  During which I would love to learn guitar to take my mind off of the stress.  Hopefully I will get married and start my family somewhere by now.  Then I'm going to take 30% of all my paychecks and split it up for two reasons, 10% will go to a secret savings account for my daughters wedding one day.  The other 20% will go for her education.  After my residency, I will build my house on my land.  Then my husband can retire and work on the fields and house and what not.  Help raise the kids.  Then I'll buy my boat.  Raise the kids til they're out of the house and then the husband and I can travel around in the boat.  Yea... that's my dream right there.  Sounds nice right?

Let me know yours! I'm curious to hear what y'all want to do.  Much love y'all!

Xbox is Controlling my Life

Well hey y'all!  Sorry I haven't posted in awhile.  This is going to be a few part post.  Friday was supposed to be a very eventful, full day.  Didn't happen that way.  The boyfriend and I were suppose to get him to the bank so he could get his military account but hat didn't happen.  Instead I sat on the phone for 4-5 hours and transferred everything over from our old place to the new.  We discussed getting up and getting boxes so we would start packing, but reality set in and we never left the house. My sister from another mother came out to see me and we ended up playing poker and drinking all night long.  It was entertaining to say the least.  

We had every intent on getting up early today and making breakfast and seeing her off, but instead (seems to be a trend we're setting now) we stayed in bed and cuddled.  You know, the sweet "lovey-dovey-cutesy-giggly-sweet-kisses-on-the-forehead-and-hugs" kinda cuddle.  So, you may ask, what on Earth did we do all day today?  Ha. We went off and did get his account set up, but then we did what any responsible adults would do.  We went and bought groceries.... and Xbox headsets, 2 new games, and chargeable battery packs.  Yea, we are SO responsible.  Subsequently, we spent the whole day snacking and bonding like normal couples do... talking in military lingo taking down the opponent in Call of Duty.  Such hopeless romantics we are. 

Now to show my "gamer" or as I call it geek side of me, a few of the thing I want for my birthday are a few new games for the Xbox.  Yea I know.  I would kill for the new NHL13, Call of Duty Black Ops 2, and of course the Kinect and Nike training games for it.  I know.... next you'll be waiting for me to say I want Turtle Beaches (and thank you for those who understood that).  So seeing as we were spending money on Xbox things, the boyfriend offered to buy me the newest NHL game for an early birthday present.  I declined but instead we got NHL12 (since we both wanted it) and The Devil May Cry for him.  After our 6 hour COD marathon, my back started to kill me so we watched a movie to give it a break.  But now, oh no, he is intent in his new game....

I mean look at that face! 

As for the update on the job front, I am starting on Monday and get to drive the 2 hour round trip, which will be just peachy fun.  Oh yea, I am thrilled.  But my tax return came in today and was much higher than we thought it would be, so that is always a bonus.  Should help out greatly with the move.  I swear I'll get back to posting regular topics instead of life updates tomorrow.  Just wanted to fill y'all in on the goings of my life and I know I haven't posted in a few days.  

Even though I have a HUGE list of topics, I love to hear all of your ideas! So I made a place where you can type out your ideas!! Just click here and type away! I can't wait to hear your ideas though! As always, love to y'all! 

We Found a Place!!

Alright guys here it is!! The exciting news!! We found a place!!! It's an adorable little two bedroom apartment, with one bath. I think the bath fun might even be bigger than here. Anyways, it's on the second floor and is tucked away in the quiet part of the community. It has a cute little balcony where we can drink coffee and listen to the birds in the morning right off of the living room. The kitchen has the cut out window type thingy (I'm sure there is a technical term for this, that I'm sure the boyfriend will inform me of when he wakes up) so you can see out of the kitchen into the living room. The kitchen is a little small, but that means its easier for me to shoo him out! The cabinets are brand new. We have a pantry and coat closet!!! This might not seem like a big deal, but you try living without these for six months and see how unorganized your world becomes. There is a place for our dining area as well. The second bedroom has become the office and library (and his sisters other, other room). Obviously there is the master bedroom which has an adorable little window overlooking the trees in the back space. Oh, did I mention a kick ass huge walk in closet? Yea. I'm pretty stoked too. The bathroom is a bathroom. Plain and simple. I forgot to take pictures completely but I will upload them when I get them. We are moving in on the 29th! I'm way too excited for this guys! This is going to be great. It's about a 15 minute bike ride to work everyday so hopefully this rain can cut it out. New leaf y'all! Gonna get fit while riding to work haha!

The real thing is, we have 12 days til we move to pack all of this shit up. Yay. Not happy about that part but that is life I suppose. I still can't wait for this whole thing to happen! So glad we found this place.

Just wanted to update y'all! Bunches of love!

The Subject No One Wants to Talk About

Tonight we're going to talk about something that no one wants to talk about. Suicide. Now I had created a group about 3 years ago that was meant to help those who were thinking about, had thought about, had ever self harmed, or just needed someone to be there to keep them from getting to that point.  I had a good number I was helping.  And after taking a personal break from it for about a year, I reconnected with my group.  Many of my group I had taken under my wing to help more in depth than the rest.  Those who were truly struggling.  There were those who I could not reach, could not connect with and help on a more true level.

There was one I just couldn't help.  And to her, I am sorry I couldn't have helped more.  I wish I could help you, and make you not feel so alone in this world.  Let you know that there are people who truly care for you, about you.  This just makes me want to reach out more.  This makes me want to help more of those Sandra's out there.  I want to make a difference in your life.  I am a team member of To Write Love on Her Arms, and have helped other's in your situation.  I have gone through many life experiences and have talked to other group leaders, I will find a way to help you.

Whenever you feel alone, scared or like you just can't go any further... there are ways.  I was at rock bottom many times, or so I thought and found a way through.  I won't preach to you about God, but I will tell you faith is my main driving factor in my life.  Don't ever feel alone.  I promise you there is someone else sitting in any given room who feels the same as you.  Even when they look happy and okay, they can be crumbling apart on the inside. I am the mastermind of facades, and can pull a smile out of my ass, so I know a thing or two about this.  Don't ever feel like you can't talk to someone about it. There are people who are willing to listen.  I watched a friend who was absolutely fine commit suicide.  She was absolutely fine one day and the next she swallowed her father's pain pills.  She felt as though she couldn't tell anyone about it.  People would have jumped to help her. If only we had known.  However we can't change the past, instead I will help those like her.  I have lost too many friends to suicide, to watch this go unnoticed.

This world can be cruel and unforgiving at times.  There are the silver linings in there as well.  It is all about perspective in things.  You need to know that those who are going through this, will be your best friends.  You will find strength in numbers. Cliche sounding I know, but it is the God's honest truth. Now I found solitude in spoken poetry for awhile, just a little niche for me. But one that was actually at a HEAVY AND LIGHT (if you don't know what that is, that would be a giant festival of sorts for TWLOHA).  His name is Anis Mojgani, and I find his writing inspirational.  My favorite poem by him is called Shake the Dust.  The ending is something I point out to many of my group members,

"So shake the dust and take me with you when you do for none of this has never been for me.

All that pushes and pulls, pushes and pulls for you.

So grab this world by its clothespins and shake it out again and again and jump on top and take it for a spin and when you hop off shake it again for this is yours.

Make my words worth it, make this not just another poem that I write, not just another poem like just another night that sits heavy above us all.

Walk into it, breathe it in, let is crash through the halls of your arms at the millions of years of millions of poets coursing like blood pumping and pushing making you live, shaking the dust.

So when the world knocks at your front door, clutch the knob and open on up, running forward into its widespread greeting arms with your hands before you, fingertips trembling though they may be."

Here is the video of the whole poem.

If you ever feel that you need help, I am more than happy to talk to you.  I am thinking about creating a virtual group so I can reach out to those who aren't in my area. more easily  I am always here to talk.  I won't go into my experiences here but I will tell you about them through communications.  I will try my hardest to help you.  I may not be there to give you a hug, but I can help.  I can also give you sites that will help.  What you confide in me, stays with me.  If you want to become part of the group, or a virtual group please don't hesitate to reach out to me.  I know my blog is linked to my Google+ account and you can easily message me through there.  Please don't be afraid. You will find out from talking to me that I have struggled with self harm and suicide as well.  I am here to listen and help.

If you are struggling with suicide, there are places you can go or reach out to for help.
The suicide prevention hotline number is 1 (800) 273-8255.  You can go to To Write Love on Her Arms website, this has stories of others and ways to reach out to others going through it or who have gone through it.  Another great website as to save a life.  Both I think can help a lot.  Please do not hesitate to reach out for help.





I want to take a moment to dedicate this to those who lost the battle with themselves.  You will not be forgotten, and are still loved to this day.  May you rest easy.

I. HATE. MOVING.

The problem with trying to move fifty miles away is that it is proving to be FREAKING IMPOSSIBLE.  Went and got a job in Chesterton and now we can't find anywhere to live.  How does that happen?? How did we lose the 2 bedroom apartment right by the new job? HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?  I'm more upset with the fact that it seems like every other place we have found seems to be rented right underneath us.  I just want to find a place and be settled.  This whole "need to be out of South Bend in two weeks" deadline is killing me.

While we found a place we are going to look at tomorrow, they want to gut the entire place and refinish it before we move in... that is not going to take 2 weeks.  It's going to take so much longer than we have.  We have tossed around the idea of storing everything someplace and then begging people to crash with them for the time being. But even that is proving to be hard.  I just want to be closer to home/closer to this job.  We only have one vehicle and if we live in the big C then I can bike to work everyday and not have to worry about a darn thing.  This place we are looking at is a two bedroom so we will have room to move around a bit.

I'm mentally so out of it by now.  I wanted to keep y'all updated and what not but I know it's not as funny or witty as normal... my mind is full of other things that I am trying to work on in my life.  I just feel as though I can't keep it all straight. But when we go look at this place tomorrow I will definitely take pictures and up load them for y'all.

Food for thought though.... have you ever felt like you are putting in your all and are getting shut down?  Or that you are putting in everything you have, opening yourself up for anything to happen and that you might as well be running into a brick wall, that's how far you're getting.  I just want some reassurance sometimes that I am getting anywhere.  Enough venting.  I'll probably post again later tonight when my head comes back down from my thoughts.

Love y'all

I Love my Followers!!

I just wanted to give a shout out to the wonderful woman who contacted me today! I actually don't know you name but the fact that you follow my blog and read it remind me why I keep writing posts!! You have no idea how big a smile you put on +Richard II Hardin's face when you thanked him for his service (his service in the Marine's is a post for tomorrow)!  My dear, I hope we can help out and I just wanted to thank you again for following me and for reading my blog.

Fellow readers!  She also had the mystery app I mentioned that someone needed to make!  That one where you put in your food and out pops a recipe, it's called All Recipes! Thank you sugar for letting me know, it will be downloaded when the boyfriend is done with my phone!

Much love to all my readers, but especially you my dear, for you made my night!!

Don't forget to check out the boyfriend's blog. Oh! And our shop where all our things are being sold at are here!

Dad...

Dear Dad,

It's been awhile since we sat down and actually talked.  And I would be lying if I said that when we were sitting next to each other at Hannah's softball game talking about the errors and what we would do differently, didn't make me miss you at all.  I miss just sitting there talking about the game.  Talking about the one true thing that made us both happy. I would be lying if I said that being able to text you again and hold a casual conversation doesn't make me happy. I would be lying if I said that seeing your name on my phone again, didn't make me smile.  I would be lying if I said I didn't chain smoke an entire pack and a half the day in June we came to see you for the family reunion, too terrified to face you.  Truth is, I would be lying if I said I didn't think about you everyday we didn't talk.  Truth is, I cried for a long time after we had that blow up fight, and right after seeing you at pawpaw's birthday party.  

I know I have been a real screw up sometimes, and that you never really had any reason to be proud of me.  I know that you watched me from a little girl trying to open a Coke can with her toothless mouth, to the grown woman walking across the stage to receive my diploma.  That when you hugged me goodbye in Forest Park, you felt like you were losing a part of you.  You have no idea how much I loved sitting in that hot tub and talking to you, heart to heart while you smoked your cigars. Getting to ride home in the truck after a softball game with you, bitching about the umpires and their crooked calls.  I know that you might not have said it as much as I would have loved to hear, but that you were proud of me out there on that field. I know I haven't made the best decisions, and that we both think with our stubbornness... Rash seems to be our middle names when we get into an argument.

I know we both said things we didn't mean.  I know you don't want me out of your life anymore than I don't want a father to one day walk me down the aisle at my wedding.  I know we both did things that will take time to heal.  I also know there are things about the other that we will never understand nor accept.  But that doesn't mean I don't want to try.  You have no idea how much it meant to me when you asked me to come to Alabama with you.  The thought of getting to spend time with you in the car, just us, made me unbelievably happy.  I think this has always been a given, but even though we butt heads, I am a daddy's girl.  I cried at your wedding, knowing you were finally happy after the years that went by after the divorce that crumbled you with sadness.  I know you are only looking out for me when you try to help.  That you have been down a rough road when you were young and wanted better for me and my sister's.  I know that you pushed me so hard so I could better myself, and that all you said (though at the time seemed to me as you trying to control me) was all out of love.  I know that you are trying to make something of yourself as well.  Trying to provide for your family as best as you know how.  I understand that might be part of the union mentality, or just how you were raised.

I should have listened to you on so many things.  But we always say that we learn from our mistakes.  I now know that you were just trying to save me from those mistakes.  You were always right when it came to men.  You proved that right with Will many a time over.  I am so tired of you not being in my life.  I want nothing more than for you to walk me down the aisle one day. I want nothing more than my one day children to call you pawpaw.  I want you to be the man my one day fiance asks for my hand in marriage from. You have tried to protect me from everything this cruel world has to offer, and instead I shrugged you off as a controlling parent who didn't know what was best for me.  I don't want you out of my life any longer.  I realize that even when we do sit down, things won't be hunky dory fine the next day.  That we might never get back to that.  But I want my dad back.

I know that you won't understand if you ever find this post. But I think we all know that I am petrified when we talk/argue to the point where I don't talk.  That this is all being said in this format because I don't know how to tell you in person.  Know that I love you with everything I have.  Remember that fight that we had where I left you a note in the bathroom?  Saying "I'll still love you, if you still love me."  Your response will forever be in me.  "You are a part of me, my blood, my flesh, and I will always love you."

I'll always love you too.

New Goal, Challenge Accepted

I don't know if I have any runners who follow me, but if you are then you know my hunger.  The hunger for the feeling you can only get from crossing the finish line of a race.  The hunger for that feeling as your shaking down before that sounding bell. The rituals prior to the race.  Your warm-up run before the race, twenty minutes of stretching, and more stretching while walking to stay warm.  Yea well I have the hunger.  Have for a few days now.  Maybe it's because the boyfriend is away, or maybe it's because it's been awhile... but I started looking up races nearby. Low and behold I found one I want to run beyond belief.  And no, it's the not Color Run (although, still on my running bucket list).

It's called the Sunburst, and the hospital I used to work for sponsors it. Now of course they have races of all lengths, but I am determined to run the half marathon.  This wouldn't be such a big deal, except for a few things...

1. The race is on May 31... it's already April 14.
2. I haven't laced my running shoes up in over 3 months.
3. Most training programs are about 12 weeks longs, I have 6.
4. Races cost money, money I don't have.
5. Not sure my knee could handle the stress all the sudden.

Now, the only one of these that I view as a serious problem is the money one. As for training and what not, I can figure that out.  It's the $75 fee to run it that poses a bigger problem to me. But come on, they are even using the new tracking system I have only read about.  Y'all probably know that in a race you used to wear a chip on your shoe that you had the lace in the right way and you had to return it or get charged a stupid amount of money blah blah blah.  Now they have the technology to put it in you bib (the number on the front of your shirt)!  And you can just throw it away after the race... uhm I'm sorry but that is the coolest thing I have heard of in awhile.  And it's going to be used at this race!!!  I can't control myself.

And you bet your ass if I run this race, I'm going to wear something stupid crazy.  Just because.  Let me rephrase this, I have had this obsession with tutus ever since I was in ballet, so guess what I will be wearing to this race? Yea, a tutu.  Think it's crazy?  Then you have never been to a marathon before.  There are people who dress up to run just to serve as comic relief to other runners.  I mean, who wouldn't want to run behind this?

Or this...

Maybe this...

Get my point?  We runners are an acquired breed, and yes we do find ourselves funny.  I guess I should go figure out how I'm going to train for this ordeal.  Or figure out how to raise the $75 to run this thing.  Or how to convince my boyfriend to come to the race and cheer me on.  Why must I set such high standards for myself?  Happy running, love y'all!

Maybe I have Turned into a Drone...

I'm not sure when I evolved into this part Martha Stewart, part Paula Deen morph, but I have found this amazing ability to cook amazing dinners with the food we have in the house.  Since no one has invented a website or app that allows you to type in what food you have and it pops up recipes that you can make, I have my own method.  I sit in front of the pantry starring at it, waiting for something to pop out at me.  There is a lot of head scratching involved, without this you aren't doing it right.  But I figured since the boyfriend is going to be tired from his military filled weekend, I would try to be extra nice and make it a special night.

Let's be specific here, I have figured out how to make our dinning room look absolutely adorable.  From candles to flowers.  Okay the flowers part was all apart of help from my best friend/sister.   This house, like it does at the end of every week it seems, looks like I let 23 four year olds just wreck havoc on my house.  Obviously regular cleaning is going to have to get done this weekend.  But I want to make this place look... it's best honestly.  I know this should be a given, but I just want him to walk through that door and feel almost a sigh of relief that this place looks great for once.

On to dinner though, since the college girl who would burn Ramen has somehow transformed into this great cook has so many ideas.  I'm going to make southern style baked pork chops over rice, Parmesan  Italian green beans, and a simple Alfredo pasta.  Seriously, where do I come up with this stuff?  I also made a German chocolate cake with a coconut and almond icing (thanks to his mom who supplied the essentials to it!).  Figured that could serve as desert.  I also have his beer chilling in the fridge, or if he doesn't feel like beer, my wine will be on ice.  Yea, maybe it was the coffee this morning, or the copious amounts of sleep that I needed and finally caught up on that made me think of this, but this is what my mind thinks of now.  The problem I have here is timing.  I can cook the food no problem and it turns out great, but I have yet to perfect my timing.  There is always one thing that is done long before the rest of the food is done.  I'm afraid this time it will be the pork chops.  Plus to top it all off, I have to time this around being able to walk away from it for at least 20 minutes to go pick the boyfriend up from him base.  Challenge accepted.

As for my green thumb, as I think I had mentioned in an earlier post, my plants are frustrating me.  I had planted three Terra cotta pots with flowers, as well as a hanging basket and a wooden box.  We hung the basket outside on our tree, and made a holder for the wooden box, so these could get plenty of sun. The original plan was to pull them in at night.  Until the rain hit, and the stayed pretty warm throughout the night, we figured they would do fine outside.  Well, only one of the Terra cotta pots has sprouted anything.  All the others are just... dirt.  I grow great dirt apparently.  I just want the other four plants to take off like my one fighter pot has.  I pulled in the wooden box and I'm hoping it will take off now inside, then I can put him back outside.

Welp, I am off to clean.  I hope y'all have a great day, stay warm- it's getting a bit chilly here.  Love y'all!

One more thing.  I just have to point out that the both the Chicago Cubs and the Chicago Blackhawks won last night... not so much for the White Sox.  Hmmm, and we wonder who the better team is this year with the Sox and Cubs.  And as for the Hawks, maybe Q has realized which goalie belongs in the net!

Home Sick

Home sick.  We have all heard the expression.  Sometimes it boggles me.  So the boyfriend is gone this weekend with the Marines... which means I have the house to myself.  And the Jeep.  Which would be great.. but it isn't.  That being said, with overnight bag in the backseat, I set off for my hometown.  It was a relaxing 2 hour drive (that is just oozing with sarcasm).  In reality, people drive like assholes even at one in the afternoon.  And maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if the spotty rain hadn't put out 2 of my cigarettes, and then a giant chunk of hail that hurdled through my window knocked a third cigarette onto my lap.  Yea... a very pleasant drive. I get to my destination and find I am locked out of the house.  I had one of the two magical keys. Awesome, can this day get any worse?  I knew I shouldn't have even thought it because it always can.

My little sister had a softball game and I had played on these same fields, figured I could find them no problem. Negative ghost rider.  After getting myself lost, I turned around and I called my mother, who gave me different directions.  Which were wrong.  So I turned around again and called my step father, who gave me even more different directions.  Wrong again.  Turning around, I stopped at a gas station.  Desperate to make it to my sister's game, I asked if anyone knew were these fields were.  Nope. Zilch. Nada.  Now I am pissed that I'm going to miss this stupid game that I just spent 45 minutes trying to find, not including the time it took me to even get to the freaking town. I call up a friend who used to live there... and the damn fields were right behind the gas station I stopped at.  Go figure.

I get to the game and gambling with my luck, park in the foul ball territory (any of you with kids in little league or who ever played know what I'm talking about).  I sit down and it's already the 4th inning.  And apparently when the girls were jumping up and down to keep warm, the successfully summoned the rain spirits because it started to rain.  And be windy... too windy.  I sat smugly and stuck out the rest of the game. They won, 16-2.  Lets rephrase that, they slaughtered.  I don't waste anytime when the game ends.  I book to my car and got the hell out of dodge.

I get back to my mother's house, sit down, and instantly it hits me.  I just want to be home.  In my home.  The empty one... But that doesn't make any sense.  Why would I want to be in an empty home?  No one to talk to, no dog to cuddle with.  Why would I want to spend time here at all?  Debating it in my head I try to talk to my mom about it, but the little sister keeps butting in (trying to get to a concert, and mom has the golden keys).  I fold, and stop trying, instead I cuddle with my cat who I haven't seen in forever.  Which was nice but eh.  My best friend stops by and begs me to come over, pleads with me to stay the night with her.  She wants to wedding plan for her wedding and talk about girly things and watch movies and eat tons of food.  But all I can think about was my home.  Here is my best friend, who just buried her grandfather today, begging me to come over, and I say no? Why was I so intent on coming home?  I haven't the slightest of clues.  But I would be lying if I told you that I didn't feel like a ton of bricks were lifted off my shoulders when I walked through my door tonight.

Sorry I didn't post/ haven't been posting lately.  I was quite sick yesterday.  Sick enough to have to skip my Apple interview.  Thankfully +Richard II Hardin took care of me.  Hopefully I am productive with my cleaning tomorrow.  Goodnight and love y'all!

Help!

HELP! I'm trapped in a lease and I can't get out!  The boyfriend and I have been trying to think of how to get out of this horrible place.  The place itself isn't terribly horrible.  The home we are living in have three bedrooms and two bathrooms, it's a nice size.  But the construction of it is absolutely horrible.  Trim is falling off, the door handles want to fall off, doors aren't even flush to the door frames which makes them not want to close.  I could probably look past it, but the union construction worker in the house can't, yes I mean you +Richard II Hardin.  The community we live in is nice.  The streets are taken care of, the park is well maintained, and the overall look is quite up kept.

The management, however, is absolutely horrible.  Every time we need something done, or fixed, it takes weeks before we can get anything resolved around here.  Our master bathroom tub faucet has been broken now for about two months.  We are just now getting it fixed tomorrow.  About damn time.  The play little games with everything.  The boyfriend brings in the money here in this house, and they wouldn't talk to him about the lease because he is only a occupant, as I am the main lease holder.  Instead, we got to sit there and play Chinese telephone, with the boyfriend sitting 4 feet away from the head of management  telling me the questions to then repeat to her as she wouldn't just listen to him and answer them.  Really?!  Are we in second grade again? I didn't realize we had to play these games with a company.  He was beyond pissed.

Now we think we found a possible loophole in the system.  We have been trying to break lease and move back closer to both of our families (which are currently 2 hours away from us).  The only way to get back towards home is for me (being the main lease holder) to get a job 50+ miles away.  Which, have you ever tried getting a job that far away? It is impossible.  They take one look at your resume and toss it aside because you're so far away.  However, the management company has another location in one of the towns we were looking to move to.  We are hoping we can just transfer to this location.  Even if we have to sign a lease for another year.  We are desperate to move closer to home.

For now since I have this job offer at Apple, we are holding off on taking further action on this.  We will just suck it up and deal with this place for six months.  If I don't get this job, then its off to the office to try our luck.

Oh! I have the second installment of the Apple interviews tomorrow.  Fingers crossed things go well! I'm off to make some Ramen.  Love y'all and I'll let you know how to job interview goes!

Society can Kiss my Ass

I, like many women, have problems with my body.  I think we can all point out problem areas we have; my arms are too flabby, I have stretch marks on my tummy and my thighs, dark circles under my eyes, my hair doesn't dye evenly, my toes are weirdly long, no gap between my thighs, love handles galore.... I can keep going.  But it takes so much for us to feel beautiful.  Why?  We have painted this picture of what beauty is.  If you aren't 120 pounds, with bleach blonde hair, curled loosely, your thighs don't touch, NO stretch marks, tan, and make up perfect.... you aren't beautiful.  Let's look at models these days.  Do they know what the dollar menu at McDonalds is? Do they understand the joy of opening up a pizza box?  Do they know what throwback Mountain Dew tastes like?  No. No, how could they with those skinny little bodies of theirs?  And why is it when we try to make women feel better about themselves, we are criticized?

Why is it when a store in Sweden starts using regular size mannequins, we shout no! Protesters are screaming to the high heavens that this is promoting obesity.  No, let me explain something to you. The average size of mannequin in the United States is a size 2-4.  The average woman in the United States is a size 12.  So why would we display clothes on sticks (to my size 2 girls, you aren't sticks, it's an analogy)?  Why is it okay to discriminate against a company wanting to show a more realistic size for once?  In the 1940's, yes women used to be smaller, we are all aware of this.  This is why a size 2 now would have been a size 10 back then.  But at the same time, how can we portray this mentality that if you aren't a size 4 then you aren't gorgeous?

I have curves.  But you know what? They are DAMN sexy.  My shirts would never look as good, nor would my pencil skirt look so great in the (ahem) rear view.  I have stretch marks, but I am a tiger and I earned my stripes.  I don't need ten pounds of makeup to look great.  My teeth aren't perfect, but it gives me character.  I have gone through weight gain and loss ,then gain again.  And I know that I will never be a size 6.  But I am okay with that.  I think this is the mentality we need to distill in our young children/sisters/relatives. First, we need them to know that it doesn't matter what size you are, YOU ARE GORGEOUS.  You don't need a gap in between your thighs to look beautiful.  You don't need a perfectly flat tummy to turn a man's head.  And if you do, then he isn't right for you anyways (but that is for another day).  That no matter what size or shape you are, that there is more to life than obsessing over this.  Weight is just a number!

We need to teach girls to have a realistic view of their body.  I am a size 12.  I will never be a size 6.  And I can exercise and eat every diet they have ever created and I will never be a size 6 (or if I did, I would look malnourished .  We as a society need to teach girls to not expect any more than they can achieve.  Not every girl can be a size 2, and who would want to be? Curves are sexy! You don't want your man to be afraid to break you in two when he gives you a hug.  There is nothing wrong with a full figure, and honestly? When you get out of high-school, I guarantee most men don't want a stick figure size 2 anyways.  It's in our genetic makeup to want more than skin and bones.

Also, you don't need makeup!  I understand wanting to wear some when you are going out.  But you don't need ten pounds every time you wake up in the morning.  I believe there is such a thing as natural beauty, and you just have to believe this in yourself.  I love that Demi Lovato, along with many high schools across America have started this campaign for all girls to show up to school with no make up on at all. It really shows how far this country is coming.  For all the details check it out here. It shows that we are more than just what we paint on our faces.  I mean honestly, have we ever stopped once to realize how much we can change about ourselves by just putting on make up?  Has Jenna Marbles taught us nothing?

 Or my new favorite I stumbled upon the other day...

We need to show girls that we are more than what we torture ourselves to become.  I remember my mother plucking my eyebrows for the first time.  She kept telling me, "Suck it up, beauty is pain."  And I believed that. To this day I still would rather get my eyebrows waxed than sit there and pluck, and with every strip ripped off my face I remind myself that beauty is pain.  But why? We need to realize that we are just as beautiful in yoga pants and a messy bun as we are in a dress and heels.  That the beauty we have, it all resonates from confidence. What you are most confident in, you will be gorgeous to everyone else.  So why not just be confident in your own skin? That way you can be gorgeous in everything you wear. We need to teach girls to feel gorgeous by themselves, and not worry what men or society thinks.  

To all my followers, you are gorgeous! Don't ever let yourself believe otherwise.  No matter who you are or what you wear, you are beautiful inside and out! Love y'all! 

It's finally done!!

Here it is! The welders cap! The sides will come down further than we have them coming down now, but this was the prototype. It's reversible, with the bill. Very comfortable. We can also do them with fleece for the winter or sweat wicking material for summer. Contact for more information!

Love y'all! And yes there is a picture that shows the lighter side of the boyfriend :)

And We're on the Upswing!

As we are sitting here listening to Brad Paisley (and the boyfriend as beat boxing to it....) I feel accomplished today.  And a little bit more like Martha Stewart.  After crashing and sleeping for 12 hours, we actually got up and took on the world.  After making some necessary phone calls, we ran to Walmart to check out their sewing section.  Disappointment doesn't begin to explain the feeling we had.   Instead we came home and found shirts that we no longer use and decided we would use these for our first prototypes.  If we like the designs, of course we would buy actual fabric.

I relinquished the Mr. T shirt.... 

R.I.P. fine t-shirt, you brought me many years of use

I am hoping we can stick Mr. T on the front of the welding cap, who wouldn't want a Mr. T cap? I pity that fool.  Although I did realize how much better the boyfriend is at sewing than me, I refuse to let him take over the Martha roll.  I tried to one up him with my knitting, but failed.  I haven't been as admit about that as I have wanted to be the past few days... but the progress is still there. 

I am about half way through this square, then I only have about five more to make.  I know, I have taken off more than I can handle.  But I am determined none the less.  As for the sewing, the boyfriend is currently sewing together the newest of the products, the welding caps.  I am hoping this is a hot seller, I think he has the right market for it.  I can see the guys at his work buying them.  Also, earlier he made the purse size scent bag that I had mentioned in an earlier post. It was quite cute, however he tried a different technique than I had used and it didn't turn out quite right.  Hopefully we can stick to my technique and they will turn out a little better.  

Richie sewing up the purse size, and the comparison of the two bags side by side. 

I also decided to make up/modify my own version of dinner tonight.  I made a chopped salad, with tuna helper (okay, that isn't the impressive part), and loaded baked potato stuffed potato skins. I was quite happy with how these came out. I took four red potatoes and rubbed them in olive oil and sprinkled salt and pepper over them, then baked them for 45 minutes (at 475).  While those were baking I combined shredded about a cup or so of cheddar cheese, about half a cup of ham, a large spoonful of cream cheese, a handful of chopped onions, and a proportionate amount of season salt in a bowl.  I let this all sit to get room temperature while the potatoes baked.  When the potatoes were done, I halved them and scooped out the insides (adding them to the bowl of other things) to leave the shell.  I mashed everything in the bowl and then added them to the skins.  I left it piled high, out of the tops of the skins since the cheese would obviously melt once back in the oven.  After they were reassembled, I stuck them back in the oven for about 10 minutes.  They came out and were amazing!  The salt and pepper gave it an amazing taste on the outside, and the insides were to die for.  Hopefully I can recreate them.

Don't try and eat the screen.

Today was really amazing.  I have an interview with Teavana sometime this week.  Don't think I have forgotten about you Apple!  I would love to get either (or both) of these jobs.  Another good note, my car sold for more than I though and I only owe roughly $400 now.  Yea, things are starting to look up finally.  Like always, love y'all! Oh! I will upload pictures of the welding cap as soon as he is done!

I Love Y'all

I don't think I have expressed how much I love my family.  You are the rock that holds me grounded.  The past few days, I have realized what a good friend looks like, and who is really there to help me.  You are few and far between.  I don't know what I would do without y'all.  My life has been filled with craziness and hasn't ended up where I thought I was going to be.  I thought I would be finishing up my second year in my Radiology degree right now.  Thought I would have a nice house, and car and money saved up to pay my loans.  But I have none of that.  And some of that is my fault, others were out of my control.  And I know that I have a long way to go before I get there.  But throughout it all, the real people in my life have been there.  I don't know what my life would be without you.

I don;t know if I tell y'all enough, but I do love you.  And I know that things get hard with me, and I'm not always there and not always the most supportive, but I do want to be there.  I know I get wrapped up in Alzheimer's stuff, my suicide prevention stuff, my weight loss stuff and more... but you are always there for me.  When I need you, I can call you at three in the morning and you answer.  Just know that I appreciate all that you do.  And for those of you who are just my bloggers, I love you for reading this.  Everytime I log in and see more page views, my heart swells.  I love each and every one of you, and I may not know your names but I do.

Thank you for supporting me and pushing me through the hard times in my life.  I owe so much to so many people who I will never be able to repay.  Thank you, from the deepest part of my heart.  I really love you.

Early Release!!

I've decided to release these early. I haven't decided whether I want to make a new page for these or just sell them on etsy or what not. Seeing as it will be things both the boyfriend and I have made, I think I need to talk to him about it.

Here are two of the "scent bags" or so I'm calling them. They are little bags you can throw in your purse or your hamper or practically anywhere that needs to be freshened up! They have unlimited scent and are guaranteed to eliminate bad odors. They are small enough to be discreet, but make a big impact on smell. Ill be making a purse size soon, so your purse can always be fresh as well. They are going to sell for $5. The one with circles on it is rustic woods scented. The abstract lines one is peppermint. If you would like to purchase one of these, comment or reach me by email! Ill be making more soon with different fabric and designs. If you want a certain design/fabric/scent, let me know and I will be more than glad to make them for you! Don't forget I am still doing the feather hair extensions. Contact me for more information on that as well!!

Happy weekend y'all! Love y'all's!

Paint a Target on my Back

I really don't understand things anymore.  How can things go from being pretty good, to failing, to good, to failing, then good to up in the air so fast?  As you all know the current state of my relationship... it gets worse.

Today everything was hunky dory and went swimmingly well.  I really thought things were turning around and getting better and the boyfriend and me were going to be okay.  Now he was going to his hometown today to fix his Jeep, go to lunch with his dad, and out to the bars with the best friend.  The second he got into town he was MIA text wise.  To be expected since he was kinda busy.  I was slightly concerned when lyrics were posted on Facebook by a family member, but didn't let it get to me.  Since I have been kind of feeling out of the weather or however the phrase I'm looking for goes, I crashed out early, and fell asleep around midnight or so.

I wake up 6 hours later to my phone being slightly blown up.  The first 4 texts were cute and uplifting. Then, it all kinda crashed down.   Apparently there was an incident at the bar and it included his ex.  Now me and his ex were friends, and still used to talk occasionally   Never about anything specific, just about how our lives were going, her new boyfriend, my sewing and what not.  Never did I seek out and bitch about my boyfriend.  There was one time where I vented to her.  And apparently that was a glaring mistake.  I thought I had good friends, but hey I guess why be friends when being a shitty excuse for a friend is so much better.  You can be half as genuine and not be quite so invested.

But with everything going as swell as it has been lately for me, clearly things have to fall apart more.  More things have to fall apart for me, because it can't just be over and I be happy.  I can't just fix things with my amazing boyfriend and be in love.  I can't just feel the love that radiates from him and be just consumed and a feeling of overall euphoria.  Nah, that would be too nice.  And the world isn't nice.  Long story short, he text his ex and tried to ask if they could stop being pissy with each other and she just replied that yes they could, right after I stop texting her for advice.  Apparently I must blow her phone up begging for advice, when I talk to her maybe once every two weeks, but I'm begging for advice apparently.

 I am so done with people fucking with my relationship.  The KIK bitch never came through, just made the boyfriend wonder, but after everyone contacted him, it all proved my story right.  But everyone wants to put their two sense in and fuck with it.  I seriously have done everything I can think of to try and fix this, but I'm running out of ideas.  And now everything anyone says to him, he takes way out of context and it puts more strain on us.  Clearly the ex was pissed when she say this, and she was intoxicated, as was he.  So- that must be bullet proof evidence because she never said things she didn't mean to him, nor is it a proven fact we say things we don't mean when we are drunk or mad.  Nah, we are humans and are perfect and wouldn't do that.

Can I just have my fucking happy relationship back? Please? I just want that back.  I made a mistake and fucked up, I handled the situation horribly, but was trying to preserve our relationship.  It clearly back fired and blew up in my face, but I did it with the best of intentions.  I feel so much more relieved that he knows now.  I didn't know how to tell him about it but I did want to tell him.  Now that he knows I feel like I can breathe a bit better.  I want to work past this and be stronger.  Gah, I don't know how to fix this, and instead of being able to communicate about these things right, it's all via text. I just want to fix this, I have never felt so fondly of someone before.  He has helped me through my past and I have told him things people never even knew before.  He has reopened my eyes to my faith, and has made em reevaluate my life, for the better.  He pushes me in the right direction in my life, and he is all around amazing.  I just want to fix things and be happy with him....

They Call Us Martha Stewart

The boyfriend and I have embarked into the wonderful, magical journey that Martha Stewart would be proud of. It's full of patterns and prints and stitches oh my! As we all know, I've been working on a blanket for quite some time now. I was not very far into it when it got destroyed and I had to pull it all out and start over. Well now I'm full swing into it again. For those of you who don't know, I'm making a blanket that will be half crochet squares and half knitted squares. Which normally wouldn't be that hard, except it's been 4 years since I've crocheted last and I taught myself how to knit via YouTube. Oh and when I restarted the knitted square, I wasn't paying any attention and ended up knitting the first line 90 stitches long. It's huge now.

I've also further divulged myself into my feather hair extensions. Trying to make some money off of it, but it's not quite working too well as I keep getting asked if I know other hair techniques such as frosting and layers. Nope, just the feathers. Sorry, I never went to school for that.

Now about three days ago, the boyfriend and I went and found a sewing machine on Craigslist. It was cheap ad we were new at it so why not? Well that why not became very clear very fast. It wasn't catching the bobbin right and it might have been the tension or another 28,000 things wrong with it. Very quickly the boyfriend became frustrated and just bought a new one. So welcome to the family, brother xl-2600i. We plan on making clothes so we don't spend as much, as well as items that we can sell at fairs. He's into making welding caps and I'm going to stick to maxi skirts for now. Maybe purses. I'm hoping to figure out what's wrong with the old sewing machine so we can have two going at once. Also, he's going to make customized orders for bean bag sets. I think we could make a good chunk of change here.

As for everything yesterday... We are working through it and seem to be doing better. I suffered a loss yesterday of someone close to me and it hit me hard. I'm glad I had him there by my side through it all. Not sure he knows how I feel about him, but I'm glad he was there to hold me and wipe my tears away. I hope y'all have a splendid weekend, love y'all!

Bama-rama

Hey y'all.  So as some of you know, I am going to Alabama for the next week.  And even though I am going to be away, don't worry y'all I'm going to continue to post throughout the entire thing! I know its great isn't it ha ha.

This trip should prove to be interesting, to say the lease.  Hopefully things will get settled that need to be settled... if not, well it will be the same as the past year.

My grandparents live down in Scottsboro, which is close to Huntsville, if you know where that is at all.  I really would like to go to an Alabama game, but Tuscaloosa is 2 hours away! So that's a no go for me. Now for our trip to Alabama, we are taking a Jeep Wrangler.  So that means basically no room for breathing.  My legs will be pretzels by the end of this 13 hour drive.

But when I do get down to Alabama, I am hoping to get get some of my grandmothers recipes.  If it means I have to cook them all with my grandmother.  Which might mean I am going to come back about 30 pounds heavier.  But hey, it will be all in the name of the boyfriend so he can eat some actually good southern eats.

I feel like we just got done with the holidays and all the food that like to mess up my diet, and now I'm going to Bama where with every meal I'm going to have a side of lard.  I do feel like this is either going to be a great trip, or a horrible horrible experience.

I hope y'all are having a good day, sorry such a short one today.  Been a little busy.  Love y'all.

Our Big Announcement!

BIG ANNOUNCEMENT DAY!! Yes, this really required caps lock.  Me and the boyfriend have some very big news! We have decided we are going to take the next step in this relationship.  I know a lot of you are going to say it's too soon and that we should wait.  But we feel we are mature enough to handle this.  It is a whole new list of responsibilities, and we are confident we can take them on.  I know some people are excited for us, while others will be disappointed we didn't wait longer.  Hopefully we can try for the next few days before I go to Alabama, then try more when I get home in a week.  Hopefully we will have great news soon after I get back from my trip, before he has a prior commitment next weekend.  We want to jump into this head first.  We are confident we are financially stable enough for this next step.  So without further adieu....

The big news is....



Wait for it...



Building suspense....



So how was everyone's weekend? The weather is quite nice today. Oh! How about them Cubbies?  I think I might teach y'all some quantum physics now; better yet, a step by step procedure of the correct ways to preform a cardiopulmonary resuscitation.  Okay, I'll tell you... we are getting a kitten! We are hoping to get one of two, both are little cuties.  One is a Maine Coon kitten about 10 weeks old, and the other is a tiger kitten about 8 weeks old.

This is the Maine Coon, sorry about the picture quality...

She's in Chicago

This is the tiger (obviously).

She's out in Elkhart

I am way too excited for these kittens to come into my life!  Our dog has been great, but she is too much of a trouble maker.  I will love and miss her dearly but I just can't keep a dog that ruins things on a daily basis.  I think the boyfriend might actually "accidentally" lose her if she eats the blinds again.  So, if you are interested in a 3/4 year old puggle, let me know haha.  But if not she is going to the Humane Society.  I took her in back in August since she was a stray and I just couldn't let her stay on the streets.  But maybe she didn't get lose... the owners just couldn't take care of her and turned her lose for the same reasons I am at my breaking point with her.  Whatever the case, I am excited to replace her because this house would be empty without a companion.  

Y'all didn't truly think we were talking about something else... did you? 

Love y'all!