Let's get to the Pointe

I hate being sick.  I literally curl into a ball and do not want to do anything for the rest of eternity.  This would explain why I haven't posted anything in a few days.  I was being a baby, sleeping for many hours a day, wishing my mom was here to take care of me, and longing for some lemon rice soup (and I'm still game if someone wants to bring me it!).  But getting back to the real topic today, has anyone every wished they could turn back time and finish something you started? I'm talking dream wise.  I walked away from ballet and recently I am craving to go back.  Let rephrase that, I have been wanting to go and get back into ballet since I quit.  I had goals of getting into the Joffery ballet.  Now since I realize this is not a realistic goal, I just wish I could get back and get into pointe shoes.  If you didn't know what pointe shoes looked like...

Now let me elaborate on something.  I began ballet at a young age, I want to say I was five or six.  I was long and tall and determined to get pointe shoes.  But you can't get pointe shoes that young.  You have to train your legs to be stronger and your feet to be stronger.  But above all, you need your ankles to be stronger.  I mean have you ever seen how the ankle sits when you're in pointe shoes?

Does that look comfortable to you? Nah, I didn't think so.  But I wanted it more than anything.  I tried and tried and practiced in my room.  No, I practiced in my room, down the hall, in the bathroom, while making a sandwich; at any given moment I was in one of the positions (starting positions for a dance) or practicing my  round de jambes 'a terre anywhere.  It was something I wanted beyond belief.  Not only did I dance for my company, but I joined another company.  Some years I was practicing for two recitals at once.  I was in the Northwest Indiana Youth Ballet Company.  That was a big deal to me.  I busted and busted and was finally feeling confident in my dancing.  

And then a big whammy hit.  I was bounced from class to class at my original company.  This class was to easy, this one was too hard, this one is too easy again, so on and so forth.  The hard part was it was a recital year.  So each time I got moved from one class to another, I had to catch up and learn their dance up to where they were, and then a week later I would be moved to a new class and have to do it all over again. It was so frustrating, I couldn't do it anymore. I quit.  After 12 years of dancing, I walked away.  

Now that was 4 year ago, and it kills me everyday that I don't dance.  I have been trying to convince myself to get back into dancing.  I'm terrified I won't remember how to do it.  Or like the boyfriend asks, what am I going to do with it? I'll never be good enough for the Joffery Ballet Company, so why would I restart my passion?  Maybe it is attitudes like that, that hold me back from trying to branch out and just do it.  I'll have to look more into it out here, but I do want to get back into my passion... not matter what the other opinions are.