Great... Another Holiday

When you're young, you think the world is a beautiful place.  When I started to get older I remember looking at my mother and informing her the world was ugly.  Everyone is so worried about social appearances we forget who we really are. Holidays are the worse. Families who would normally be broken send out perfect Christmas cards, or pictures with the Easter bunny.  We all become the Cleavers.   But I am no exception.  I always feel pressure around the holidays to make my outward appearance look perfect.  I bake and stress over what to wear to family functions, try to make everything look pristine.

This holiday, I am stressing over the tiniest thing.  This is the first holiday my boyfriend and I have been together, thus its the first family function I am attending.  As if being intimidated by this wasn't enough, we are going to church.  Now the last time I was at church was before my grandmother had to go into assisted living (easily 3 years ago).  I have never been baptized or anything, so I don't take communion.  I am freaking out about this.  His family is religious and I love that, but what will they think when I don't go up for communion? And I hate the looks I get at church when I don't go up.  People look at me and judge, like "Oh look at her, shes older and hasn't devoted her life to God, doesn't come up for communion... ugh."  This is the number one reason I stopped going to church, I can't stand judgmental people within the churches.  Plus, I'm more worried as to what his family is going to think...

But wait, there's more! Just 3 short months ago, I was at my own family Christmas with my ex fiance and step son.  Then 3 months later, surprise! I am here with my new boyfriend.  What does that look like? How do I explain that?  This is the one reason I can't stand holidays.  I may be considered in my family as Mrs. Claus around Christmas time, but the actual holiday parties and what not, I just can't stand.  I worry for weeks about these things.

 I just pray that everything goes well, not like y'all won't read about it.  But before I forget to mention it, Happy Easter for those of you who celebrate it! I know it's a few days early, but in case I forget to mention it, now I can say I haven't forgotten.  No go dye some eggs and eat your chocolate!