2 Kinds of Women

There are only two kinds of women in this world.  Those who were meant to be stay at home women, and those who were not.  However like everything in this world, of course there are those splendid little sub categories.  Yes, I'm referring to you soccer moms.  You try so hard to be like the same at home women, unfortunately you don't have us fooled. But these aren't the women I want to single out.  Spot light is on you, wonderful "high brow" stay at home moms!

Now let me define these women for you.  These aren't the moms you see chasing their kids around the park who look like they're thirty seconds from putting themselves in a time out with a bottle of Svedka.  Or the women you see walking through the super market in sweats and a t-shirt, begging the child in the cart to, "Please don't throw those carrots out of this cart. One more time Bobby I swear to..." They permanently adorn the look of a woman who desperately needs a night out on the town, away from their children. Sweats and sneakers are fine by them, and a pony-tail? They are the pros of throwing their hair up into one quicker than a child can eat a stolen cookie. No, these aren't the moms I am referring to.

These women are a whole new "super species."  I haven't quite figured out how they function.  I have no kids, and yet daily tasks such as shopping and cleaning can become too much for me at times.  These are the women you see out with their kids who are perfectly behaved, like they have shock collars on.  Their hair is always done, make-up always perfect, and their clothes? Always matched, pressed, and not just half assed picked and thrown on before Jimmy gets into something he shouldn't.  I refer to them as non-other than, the Stepford Wives.

I have no idea how you ladies do it.  Besides possibly really be made from mechanical parts.  But there is no other group of ladies I would rather like to punch than you.  You are the unrealistic version of me.  I wish I had time for all of that. But I am lazy and love sleep.  Make-up does not get put on unless I'm going somewhere to eat... that will cost me more than twenty dollars. Nice clothes? Yea, again with my previous statement about going out somewhere.  My real question is, how do you play at the park with your kids in that nice pleated skirt? I can't even walk in those heels you have on, and yet you're chasing after a toddler? How is that humanly possible? I want to tip my hat to you, however I am too filled with the overwhelming urge to push you over that stroller that I can not (I'm sure you have to be top heavy with all that hair spray, right?).