Have you ever had one of those days where you just can't seem to move? You just feel overwhelmed and the whole planet is on your shoulders? You stay curled in your bed and you just can't move one inch even if your life depended on it. You can't smile, can't think happy things, you don't even want to eat. You're distant, you push people away even if they were trying to help you. Maybe you even lash out at those closest to you. You don't care about anyone, anything, or even things you loved now seem pointless. You feel hopeless, maybe helpless. Like a burden, baggage or broken.
Yea, maybe you have felt a few of these. But I am going to assume they went away, and didn't linger for too long. However, some of us feel this way everyday, or every other. Imagine life this way... Depression is something we rarely like to discuss in detail. And there is such a misunderstanding of it that it is easy to brush it off as nothing. Some people may think you just need not snap out of it, or that you are overreacting. However, depression is nothing like this- it is a debilitating disease.
Let me put it this way, if someone had a broken leg you wouldn't tell them to shake it off and go for a run. You would understand and give them time to heal. You would go on walks when they finally got their cast off and help them to build their strength back up. Depending on how bad the break was, you may be changed permanently. A sensitivity to cold, prolonged weight on that leg, or how you walk. You may never be back to how you were. That is exactly how depression is.
Try to imagine that depression is like being in a dark tunnel. The person with depression can’t see a thing, because everything is surrounded by darkness. Every sound is amplified, every fear is magnified. All they want to do is get out of the tunnel, but they can’t see where to go, they don’t know what to do. Your natural reaction is to lead them out of this dark tunnel, back to the light.
This is the WRONG approach. You may think it makes sense, but for the person with depression, nothing makes sense. That’s the nature of the illness. They can’t be led out of the tunnel, because the fear is too great, the darkness is too dark. Trying to drag them out of this tunnel is more likely to make them curl up and hide than do any good.
So what can you do? Some times it is the most simple of things.
1. Reassure them!
Sometimes it is really all it takes. They feel they are a burden, that they are too much for anyone to handle. And then the snowball effect takes place- one thought turns into something much bigger than the original thought was, just picking up speed and size of seriousness like a snowball rolling down a hill. Reassure them that you can handle everything that is coming down the barrel. That you are here for them through the good AND the bad. Plus, most people who suffer from depression feel guilty for putting their loved ones through it, let them know it is okay.
2. Tell them you love them.
This may seem simple and maybe even stupid. But it helps. Look at old pictures, talk about memories of things you did. Just take their mind on a trip down memory lane to happy thoughts. Sometimes their mind just needs a distraction for a few, and this is the best kind of distraction.
3. Hug them!
Studies have shows that people who hug release a chemical that produces a good feeling. So snuggle your loved one up in a big ole' bear hug and release those giddy feelings. Or for one more step up, throw on their favorite movie and just curl up. The intimacy will make them feel secure and safe.
4. Try and understand their feelings.
Sometimes it can be difficult to understand how your loved one feels. Not all can explain how they feel, or put it into words. So if they are able to voice their feelings, don't push them away as this can be extremely hard for them to attempt to do. It might make them feel vulnerable. Listen to them, and ask very direct questions if you don't understand what they are saying. It is important to know that the first time you talk about it you may not get the answers you are looking for. But with anything it is a process and eventually they will let you in.
5. Get them out into the sunshine!
When you are in the sunshine you are getting Vitamin D. This vitamin can help a small amount with depression. However this can be a hard one as they may not be willing to go out. Getting them out and doing activities can benefit them greatly.Try going for a small hike, and possibly a picnic. Exercise helps boost moods drastically. Also, being barefoot in dirt, or "earthing" helps ground the body and can reverse the effects of living in a world of emf's. Digging in soil can act as an antidepressant as a strain of bacterium in soil, Mycobacterium vaccae, triggers the release of serotonin which in turn elevates mood and decreases anxiety.
6. Help them clean.
This one is something I personally do. When you are suffering from depression it can feel like the entire world just hit the fast forward button while you seem to be paused. Garbage can get bigger and mail seems to just pile up unopened. Dishes are starting to stack up and laundry has become a multi-load ordeal. They may feel overwhelmed and have no idea where to start, so they just don't ever start. By helping them you will relieve some of their stress and remind them that they aren't alone. Plus it helps them get back to a place where they can handle it themselves.
Your relationship may seem one sided at times. But by helping your partner through these times you are strengthening your relationship and their ability to get back to focusing on said relationship. Hope this helps loves :)
