Banana Bread and Beginnings

Tossed away in the back of your ques rested this blog.... Dormant and lacking love. UNTIL NOW! Guess who's making their come back? Boom. Y'all miss me? Some of you may remember my random, explicit filled blogs that discussed food and liquor. Some of you didn't tune in until I was a mom and the blogs were still filled with explicits and liquor. And mom things. And for my loyals- y'all remember when this blog wasn't called Mama Tried. Those were dark days. But everyone has to start somewhere. So what's been going since I last left you... Well hmm. For starters I'm still losing that baby weight.

Whoever said it takes a year was a liar. Hope their pants burned right off. But I'm sure most women were more active than I was at first. But never fear! I've restarted my yoga practice and have lots of little bits and bites for you there. 

Also- school? Oh boy let me tell you. Whatever dream land I was living in that made me thought as a single mom with a newborn I could tackle nursing school must have been pretty. But here in the real world I realized I couldn't tackle both at once and think about working. Enter stage right, the best opportunity that could have arose. I now work in a dispatch center for my county's ambulances and love it. And because I wouldn't be me if i didn't have a plate full, I'm also going to EMT school and being the single parent I've been. 

Speaking of single parent- little miss EM is a weed. She has seriously sprouted up and over to the moon! Almost two now she's climbing and running and how could I forget, talking. And I mean she talks. All day. All night. Wakes up and still talks. It's like she doesn't know what silence is. Unless of course she's getting into something. Then suddenly silence. Funny how that works isn't it? 

But the most important thing (and something new to touch this blog) is my struggle with mental illness. I'm not one to talk about it or even admit to it but it seems that this might be the best thing to do. I know not many people like to discuss their issues but when you have people like me who Google and Google for hours searching for ANYONE who feels like you- it sucks that no one will just talk about it. And let's face it- it can be an ugly topic. That being said I'm going to lower walls that haven't ever been lowered before and hopefully I'll help someone out there to know they don't have to be alone. I realized over a year ago I had something going on mentally but never wanted to deal with it. Shit I still don't. But it's time to stop playing for just me and start playing for the little girl who depends on me. The yoga however is just for me. 

So quick review; new house, new job, new school, new goals, new outlook on life? Lots to talk about. Where to begin? 

At banana bread. Because everything is better with banana bread. And because I just happened to feel motivated halfway through writing this and decided to crank out so bread. That's what normal people do, right? No? Well. Without more rambling, here is the recipe for a most delicious bread (and if you feel rebellious like I did- throw some chocolate chips in there). 

I decided to make this at 8 at night so there was no way I was dragging out my mixer. And really you don't need to- use those arm muscles ya mama gave ya!

Ingredients
- 3 very ripe bananas, peeled
- 1/3 cup melted butter
- 1 cup of sugar
- 1 egg, beaten
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 1 teaspoon baking soda
- 1 1/2 cups all purpose flour
- pinch of salt

Preheat that little oven to 350 degrees and butter a 4x8 loaf pan.

In a mixing bowl, mash the ripe bananas with a fork until smooth. Stir the melted butter with the bananas until mixed together.

Mix in the baking soda and salt.  Stir in the sugar ,beaten egg, and vanilla extract. Mix in the flour.

Pour the batter into your prepared loaf pan.  Bake for 1 hour to 1 hour and 10 minutes (check at 50 minutes). Loaf is done when you can insert a tester and it comes out clean.

Remove from oven and cool completely on a rack.  Remove the banana bread from the pan. The first slice of warm bread is always the best.

I will be honest, I was out of baking soda and used baking powder.  The ratio to do this is for very 1 teaspoon of baking soda needed, use 4 teaspoons of baking powers.  Not sure if this will be able to be carried into every recipe so use with caution.  But definitely turned out wonderful with this one!

Until next time my lovelies!

That Dirty "D" Word

Have you ever had one of those days where you just can't seem to move?  You just feel overwhelmed and the whole planet is on your shoulders?  You stay curled in your bed and you just can't move one inch even if your life depended on it.  You can't smile, can't think happy things, you don't even want to eat.  You're distant, you push people away even if they were trying to help you.  Maybe you even lash out at those closest to you.  You don't care about anyone, anything, or even things you loved now seem pointless.  You feel hopeless, maybe helpless.  Like a burden, baggage or broken.  

Yea, maybe you have felt a few of these.  But I am going to assume they went away, and didn't linger for too long.  However, some of us feel this way everyday, or every other. Imagine life this way... Depression is something we rarely like to discuss in detail.  And there is such a misunderstanding of it that it is easy to brush it off as nothing.  Some people may think you just need not snap out of it, or that you are overreacting.  However, depression is nothing like this- it is a debilitating disease.  

Let me put it this way, if someone had a broken leg you wouldn't tell them to shake it off and go for a run.  You would understand and give them time to heal.  You would go on walks when they finally got their cast off and help them to build their strength back up.  Depending on how bad the break was, you may be changed permanently.  A sensitivity to cold, prolonged weight on that leg, or how you walk.  You may never be back to how you were. That is exactly how depression is.  

Try to imagine that depression is like being in a dark tunnel. The person with depression can’t see a thing, because everything is surrounded by darkness. Every sound is amplified, every fear is magnified. All they want to do is get out of the tunnel, but they can’t see where to go, they don’t know what to do. Your natural reaction is to lead them out of this dark tunnel, back to the light. 

This is the WRONG approach. You may think it makes sense, but for the person with depression, nothing makes sense. That’s the nature of the illness. They can’t be led out of the tunnel, because the fear is too great, the darkness is too dark. Trying to drag them out of this tunnel is more likely to make them curl up and hide than do any good.

So what can you do? Some times it is the most simple of things.  

1. Reassure them! 

Sometimes it is really all it takes.  They feel they are a burden, that they are too much for anyone to handle.  And then the snowball effect takes place- one thought turns into something much bigger than the original thought was, just picking up speed and size of seriousness like a snowball rolling down a hill. Reassure them that you can handle everything that is coming down the barrel.  That you are here for them through the good AND the bad.  Plus, most people who suffer from depression feel guilty for putting their loved ones through it, let them know it is okay.  

 2. Tell them you love them.

This may seem simple and maybe even stupid.  But it helps.  Look at old pictures, talk about memories of things you did.  Just take their mind on a trip down memory lane to happy thoughts.  Sometimes their mind just needs a distraction for a few, and this is the best kind of distraction.  

3. Hug them!

Studies have shows that people who hug release a chemical that produces a good feeling.  So snuggle your loved one up in a big ole' bear hug and release those giddy feelings.  Or for one more step up, throw on their favorite movie and just curl up.  The intimacy will make them feel secure and safe.  

4. Try and understand their feelings.

Sometimes it can be difficult to understand how your loved one feels.  Not all can explain how they feel, or put it into words.   So if they are able to voice their feelings, don't push them away as this can be extremely hard for them to attempt to do.  It might make them feel vulnerable.   Listen to them, and ask very direct questions if you don't understand what they are saying.  It is important to know that the first time you talk about it you may not get the answers you are looking for.  But with anything it is a process and eventually they will let you in.  

5. Get them out into the sunshine!

When you are in the sunshine you are getting Vitamin D.  This vitamin can help a small amount with depression.  However this can be a hard one as they may not be willing to go out.  Getting them out and doing activities can benefit them greatly.Try going for a small hike, and possibly a picnic.  Exercise helps boost moods drastically.  Also, being barefoot in dirt, or "earthing" helps ground the body and can reverse the effects of living in a world of emf's.  Digging in soil can act as an antidepressant as a strain of bacterium in soil, Mycobacterium vaccae, triggers the release of serotonin which in turn elevates mood and decreases anxiety. 

6. Help them clean.

This one is something I personally do.  When you are suffering from depression it can feel like the entire world just hit the fast forward button while you seem to be paused.  Garbage can get bigger and mail seems to just pile up unopened.  Dishes are starting to stack up and laundry has become a multi-load ordeal.  They may feel overwhelmed and have no idea where to start, so they just don't ever start.  By helping them you will relieve some of their stress and remind them that they aren't alone.  Plus it helps them get back to a place where they can handle it themselves.  

Your relationship may seem one sided at times.  But by helping your partner through these times you are strengthening your relationship and their ability to get back to focusing on said relationship.  Hope this helps loves :)