My Touchy Subject Post

Okay so today the boyfriend and I were watching his favorite political video blogger and the topic really got under my skin.  And I'm sure many people are going to get all up in arms about this, but honestly I am beyond being afraid of your opinions seeing as I am strong in my own.  The topic you ask? None other than abortion.

Now, I am pro-choice.  Before you jump down my throat let me explain.  I am looking at this through two different looking glasses.  There is the moral side of me which thinks it is absolutely wrong.  However thanks to my medical background, I look at everything twice.  I know that while I believe it is wrong and personally never will end a pregnancy with an abortion, some may think it is the only way out.  And the fine line comes down to, does the government have a right to say what a woman can and can't do to her body?

There are those who argue that women should not abort because a fetus is a living child.  According to supreme court, a fetus is not "alive" unless if can be removed from the womb and take one breath.  Even if it's only one, at that point, it is alive.  So for those of you who call it murder, I disagree.  I have heard the argument, "Well, you shouldn't have taken it out or it would have survived.  We know if you walk out of an oxygen rich environment, we will die, this applies to the child.  A newborn can not survive without the mother, so how does this not apply for the fetus?"  Now, let me explain to you wonderful people something.  Just because it can not feed, bath, change itself does not take away from the fact that it is still a viable, living child.  Does it's organs work? Yes? Then it's a child. If not? Then it is a fetus, and therefore can not register pain as it is not developed enough.

I find that many of our pro-lifers are Catholic, or God fearing people. However, according to the CDC, 37% of women who get abortions identify themselves as Catholic, another 34% identify as Christian, and the other 29% are in the other category.  Why do I bring this up?  We have implemented a law that we can not mix state a religion. So why should we allow religion to bias our views on whether a woman has a choice to terminate a pregnancy or not?  People were terrified of electing Kennedy as he was a pronounced Catholic. However, he turned into an amazing president, so why would we let religion bias us here? What does religion have to do with anything in this argument?

Another argument that is thrown around, that women only terminate because they don't want the responsibility, that they are using it as a backup birth control.  Let me ask you, do you have $451 laying around your house?  Because in 2009 the average cost of an abortion prior to the local anesthetic at 10 weeks gestation costs $451 (CDC).  Please, id you have that money send it my way, but that isn't a cheap fix if you ask me so this notion that women are using it as a backup plan is slightly preposterous.

Now, even though I personally believe abortion is wrong, I respect the right to a women's choice.  Partially because I understand that even if we make it illegal  women will continue to get them. One woman dies every 7 minutes around the world due to an unsafe illegal abortion. Women who undergo illegal abortions are those who are very poor and do not have access to family planning facilities for education and prevention of unwanted pregnancies.  Making abortion illegal or legal has no effect on the total number of abortions performed in the world. Making abortion legal dramatically reduces maternal morbidity and mortality. Whether it be in a back alley or with a coat hanger, desperate women will continue to get them.  In 1972 (the last year before abortion became legal) a total of 240 women died due to complications of an illegal abortion, where another 397 died due to infection as a result of the abortion  In 2008, only 12 women died due to complications from a legal abortion (CDC).  Common complications of an abortion could include cervical tears, retained pregnancy tissues, severe heavy bleeding, sepsis, uterine perforation, and bladder and bowel damage.  Between 10 and 50% of unsafe abortion cases need medical attention but a lot of women delay or decide not to seek medical care. This is because in a lot of countries where it is illegal to have abortions performed, the women who go to the hospital for help will be reported to the local law authorities and are subject to arrest and spending time in jail.  Do we really want women living in fear?  We want them to die due to complications they incurred during an abortion, that if it was legal might not have ever inflicted such complications?

As much as I think it is wrong, the government can NOT tell women what they can and can not do to their bodies.  Death rates of women ages 20-29 would sky rocket, as they are statistically the bracket of the most abortions (CDC).  We can not tell a woman who was raped that she can not receive the day after pill, as this women might look at her child and resent them as an everyday reminder of that rape.  Adoption is not an option for some, as like in the case of the rape specifically, that is a constant daily reminder of that incident.  Or for those who can not afford the prenatals or doctors visits, the child could be born with severe birth defects or complications during birth that could result in death.

Value my opinion or not, I needed to get that off of my chest.  I understand the issue and many life experiences have rounded my opinion, and trust me I can not be swayed.  Hopefully y'all don't hate me now, haha or will at least maybe check in tomorrow for a lighter topic.

Here is the link to the video that created/inspired this post. And here is the link to some of my statistics I used in this arguemtn/vent. Love y'all!

***I have been informed by the boyfriend that separation of church and state is not a law, apparently the Associated Press is not a reliable enough source.  Thank you Dickie.

Easter Weekend in Fast Forward...

How was everybody's Easter?  I hope it wasn't as stressful as mine. I am going to show you what my weekend looked like. Ready? (Warning! I use military time!)

Friday 2130: I woke up... Yea I know.
Friday 2200-0130: I cleaned up the house a little bit, not much.
Saturday 0130-0330: Shower, make-up, curl hair.
Saturday 0330-0430: Pack, unpack, and repack again because I never know what to wear/pack.
Saturday 0430-0600: Back my famous Oreo Cheesecake Cupcakes
Saturday 0600-0700: Knit... I know, not very stressful.
Saturday 0715: Boyfriend got home!!
Saturday 0730-0830: Motivate boyfriend to pack his things for the trip.
Saturday 0830-1030: Actually help boyfriend pack his crap up. Apparently men take longer to pack... who  knew?
Saturday 1030-1130: Last minute check on house before we left, and argue with the dog child to get into her kennel.
Saturday 1130-1230: Drive from South Bend to Chesterton to get to boyfriend's band practice for Sunday service (It actually takes 2 hours but there was a time change).
Saturday 1230-1430: Band practice
Saturday 1430-1930: Dinner with boyfriend's family, then he left for work (third shifter) while I slept.
Saturday 1930-2100: Hung with his dad, smoking and then joked around with his sister.
Saturday 2100-0130: Bowling with the boyfriend's family (minus him still)
Sunday 0130-0430: Knitted while waiting for boyfriend to get home.
Sunday 0430-0530: Talked to boyfriend, and just spent time together.
Sunday 0530-0700: Got a little cat nap.... now time for the fun...
Sunday 0700-0730: Got up, did hair, fixed makeup from yeaterday, got boyfriend up, made coffee, convinced boyfriend that yes in fact he really did need to get up, actually left house.
Sunday 0745-1000: Helped set up for service while boyfriend practiced with band one more time, then met a LOT of people.
Sunday 1000-1330: Church, then had to tear down the stage.
Sunday 1330-1545: Drove to my fathers house and spent time there.
Sunday 1600-1930: Spent time with my Mom.
Sunday 1930-2200: Drove home.
Sunday 2230: Unpacked and sat down.

And here I am at 0250 on Monday morning still no sleep.  So in 48 hours, I have had 4 hours of sleep. Go me!

I know most of you probably skimmed that, and I don't blame you haha.  But overall I have a blast this weekend.  And honestly, I experienced something I have never experienced before.  Now I know some of you read my last post about being terrified of going to church with him... but I have never been happier I went.  We weren't 10 minutes into the pastor's sermon and I would have swore to you he was talking to me alone. I came to a realization that I want God in my life.  I want to further my faith and believing.  He moved me to tears.  Here I am, walking up for communion trying to hide the tears on my face.  I sat there while everyone else finished getting communion praying to God for forgiveness that I haven't been faithful and not ashamed to be faithful to him.  Prayed that my Father would forgive me for not being there my entire life.  That service moved me more than anything ever before.  And I have never been so happy either.  As I sat there in the parking lot smoking with my boyfriend, trying to explain to him what had happened, I was crying happy tears and laughing.  I have never seen more love radiate from someone before that moment.  He was so happy that I finally felt what so many search for, and I am so happy he was there with me to experience it.

I know that was kind of sappy of whatever y'all will call it, but it is the truth and I am not ashamed nor too soft spoken to say it.  So here is some cake porn of the cake I made when we got home from our little trip. Oh, and the boyfriend's sister and I at the bowling alley.

We had a little too much fun with the blacklights haha

Yes, I took the time to edge it with chocolate chips... 

Yes I know I need a new hobby. 

So there you have it! Easter weekend in a wrap.  I hope yours was equally as interesting or fun.  Comment and let me know how it went! I would love to start hearing from my loyal readers! Love y'all!

Great... Another Holiday

When you're young, you think the world is a beautiful place.  When I started to get older I remember looking at my mother and informing her the world was ugly.  Everyone is so worried about social appearances we forget who we really are. Holidays are the worse. Families who would normally be broken send out perfect Christmas cards, or pictures with the Easter bunny.  We all become the Cleavers.   But I am no exception.  I always feel pressure around the holidays to make my outward appearance look perfect.  I bake and stress over what to wear to family functions, try to make everything look pristine.

This holiday, I am stressing over the tiniest thing.  This is the first holiday my boyfriend and I have been together, thus its the first family function I am attending.  As if being intimidated by this wasn't enough, we are going to church.  Now the last time I was at church was before my grandmother had to go into assisted living (easily 3 years ago).  I have never been baptized or anything, so I don't take communion.  I am freaking out about this.  His family is religious and I love that, but what will they think when I don't go up for communion? And I hate the looks I get at church when I don't go up.  People look at me and judge, like "Oh look at her, shes older and hasn't devoted her life to God, doesn't come up for communion... ugh."  This is the number one reason I stopped going to church, I can't stand judgmental people within the churches.  Plus, I'm more worried as to what his family is going to think...

But wait, there's more! Just 3 short months ago, I was at my own family Christmas with my ex fiance and step son.  Then 3 months later, surprise! I am here with my new boyfriend.  What does that look like? How do I explain that?  This is the one reason I can't stand holidays.  I may be considered in my family as Mrs. Claus around Christmas time, but the actual holiday parties and what not, I just can't stand.  I worry for weeks about these things.

 I just pray that everything goes well, not like y'all won't read about it.  But before I forget to mention it, Happy Easter for those of you who celebrate it! I know it's a few days early, but in case I forget to mention it, now I can say I haven't forgotten.  No go dye some eggs and eat your chocolate!

The 5 Year Plan

I had to sit back and re-evaluate a few things this morning.  And I'm not going to lie, I like where the next few years are looking to go.  I always like to have a 5 year plan, this one is more like a 15 year plan but you get the idea.  

After much searching for a job, 2 have become very apparent that I might receive them.  Which is good.  Both are at least an hour away, which means I can break my lease here and move back closer to home.  I moved so far away from my support system, I don't know why I ever thought that would be a good idea.  Plus I know the boyfriend would be happier to be closer to friends and family as well (and maybe cut that 2 hour commute down a bit as well).  

Once I get back into the area I am going to transfer to IUN and go for my Bachelors of Applied Science Degree in Radiologic Sciences.  After I acquire that I can become a basic X-ray technician and go to medical school in Chicago.  Thank goodness for the South Shore and the L so I can just take public transportation.  After that it's time to dominate my MCATS, and then off to a 3-7 year residency at hopefully a Chicago hospital.  Yet again, still going to cut money by the wonderful public transportation.  During my residency I will become ABR certified and officially become a Board certified doctor.  After my 1 year fellowship, I will be able to proudly say I jumped through every hoop possible and have taken my education as far as I can.  I will be Lauren Pleasant, M.D., and can finally be something of which to make my family proud.  

The only variance would be if I get into the former of the two jobs I applied for.  In that case I can go to school for my RN with tuition reimbursement (come on, who doesn't take money for college?) and then after that go to medical school for Radiology.  Fun fact, you don't have to get your Bachelor's degree in anything remotely close to what you will be going to medical school for.  If I get this route, then I can work as an RN all awhile going to school for my career.  Exciting stuff, isn't it? Lots of schooling, yes.  But you can ask the boyfriend, I'm lame and sit here and research the human body and learn about scans for fun.  Yes, I study for fun.  I'm weird, its okay to say it, I have come to terms with this fact.  

My life took a nose dive for the worse 2 months ago, and I am glad to say that after scouring over my old 5 year plan, I think I can excel in this course.  I just hope to have the backing of my family and friends.  This is why I think everyone should have a 5 year plan, or just goals in general.  Besides giving you hope for your future, you can better assess your life with them.  I mean who knows, y'all could be reading about the life of the woman who finds the groundbreaking cure to Alzheimer's with her extensive research and scans of the human brain, or who finds a better way to implement ionizing radiation in cancer treatment.   

Let's get to the Pointe

I hate being sick.  I literally curl into a ball and do not want to do anything for the rest of eternity.  This would explain why I haven't posted anything in a few days.  I was being a baby, sleeping for many hours a day, wishing my mom was here to take care of me, and longing for some lemon rice soup (and I'm still game if someone wants to bring me it!).  But getting back to the real topic today, has anyone every wished they could turn back time and finish something you started? I'm talking dream wise.  I walked away from ballet and recently I am craving to go back.  Let rephrase that, I have been wanting to go and get back into ballet since I quit.  I had goals of getting into the Joffery ballet.  Now since I realize this is not a realistic goal, I just wish I could get back and get into pointe shoes.  If you didn't know what pointe shoes looked like...

Now let me elaborate on something.  I began ballet at a young age, I want to say I was five or six.  I was long and tall and determined to get pointe shoes.  But you can't get pointe shoes that young.  You have to train your legs to be stronger and your feet to be stronger.  But above all, you need your ankles to be stronger.  I mean have you ever seen how the ankle sits when you're in pointe shoes?

Does that look comfortable to you? Nah, I didn't think so.  But I wanted it more than anything.  I tried and tried and practiced in my room.  No, I practiced in my room, down the hall, in the bathroom, while making a sandwich; at any given moment I was in one of the positions (starting positions for a dance) or practicing my  round de jambes 'a terre anywhere.  It was something I wanted beyond belief.  Not only did I dance for my company, but I joined another company.  Some years I was practicing for two recitals at once.  I was in the Northwest Indiana Youth Ballet Company.  That was a big deal to me.  I busted and busted and was finally feeling confident in my dancing.  

And then a big whammy hit.  I was bounced from class to class at my original company.  This class was to easy, this one was too hard, this one is too easy again, so on and so forth.  The hard part was it was a recital year.  So each time I got moved from one class to another, I had to catch up and learn their dance up to where they were, and then a week later I would be moved to a new class and have to do it all over again. It was so frustrating, I couldn't do it anymore. I quit.  After 12 years of dancing, I walked away.  

Now that was 4 year ago, and it kills me everyday that I don't dance.  I have been trying to convince myself to get back into dancing.  I'm terrified I won't remember how to do it.  Or like the boyfriend asks, what am I going to do with it? I'll never be good enough for the Joffery Ballet Company, so why would I restart my passion?  Maybe it is attitudes like that, that hold me back from trying to branch out and just do it.  I'll have to look more into it out here, but I do want to get back into my passion... not matter what the other opinions are.  

There's a woman for that!

I don't have girlfriends.  I have about 5 that I really talk to on a regular basis.  The rest of you are acquaintances.  I don't even have a group of girls who I hang with.  I can't stand being friends with other women.  For some reason I don't get along with girls.  I don't know if it was because I was raised by my daddy who taught me to spit and play softball and not shed a tear (I'm not good at that last one), or what is was, but I just genuinely don't get along with them.  It's not for lack of trying.  I have been really close with girls I have worked with before.  But outside of work, I never see them, or try to.    Why am I so anti-social to my own gender?  I see cliques.  And those are just waste of air to me.  I can't stand women who gossip behind other's backs.  They are competitive to always look better, appear better, and most of all, have the better men.  I can't even explain them accurately.  But if you have ever seen Mean Girls, there you go.  

I have a theory.  We girls put more thought into things and analyse more than men do. Guys are laid back and don't care what their friends do or "If Becky, like, totally macked on him last week," as long as it doesn't affect them.  Girls tend to care, or at least put in their opinion in EVER SINGLE MATTER.  Even if their own life isn't involved, or a family member, or a friend, or a friend of a family member.  This causes friction, which leads to debate, which leads to a blow out fight.  Men just don't care.  They would rather talk about sports... or whatever guys talk about.  Plus, guys joke around a lot.  I mean they poke fun at their guy friends, and they don't take offense.  Sorry women, but you know we have thin skin.  If we hear another girl say anything about us, we take it as an insult and get on the defense.  What do guys do? Let it roll right off.  They have other things on their mind, like how the Blackhawks are still in first over the Ducks by 3 points. 

I seriously want to be friends with girls.  I have tried so hard.  But are their any other girls like me? I'm obsessed with the Chicago Blackhawks (could you tell from earlier?), I like to shoot guns and my bow, talk about cars, play softball and run, go to the local honky tonk, and just sit back and relax. I mean men are only 50% of the population, what about that other 50%? That's a crap ton of people. Especially when that 50% of the population has myriad things in common with you like, I don’t know… periods; career challenges; family woes; traveling; contraceptives; cooking food or its inverse, burning food; reading; drinking until you can’t see straight; falling into or undoing all of the stereotypes hoisted upon young girls; leering eyes; dating; figuring out whether you want to be a mother or not; and my most favorite commonality, whatever it is you share with men. Like watching sports? There’s a woman for that! But where are you??

A chick flick sounds nice....

“Whatever happened to chivalry? Does it only exist in 80’s movies? I want John Cusack holding a boombox outside my window. I wanna ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he got me. Just once I want my life to be like an 80’s movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. But no, no, John Hughes did not direct my life.”
-Emma Stone, 'Easy A'

But honestly, who could have put it better?  What has happened to all the cute couples? Like Noah writing Ally 365 letters, Han Solo fighting through it all and winning Princess Leia, Tom Hansen still loving Summer Finn even though she chose someone else, Jack giving Rose the floating door, Ron and Heromine's hidden love, no one puts Johnny's baby in a corner, Johnny and June, Romeo and Juliet.  Okay, not Romeo and Juliet.  They were a bunch of hormone crazed teens who end up killing themselves.  Way to go Shakespeare.. but the rest of them are still in.  Every woman dreams of the iconic couples we all see in chick flicks and movies alike.  

But who really does this stuff?  I have NEVER had a cute picnic planned out for me, come home to roses on the table, lay in a field and star gazed, turned around to find a guy have written out names in the sand on a beach with the sunset in the background.  I mean this couple here is way too cute... how does this stuff happen?

Romance has never found me.  I don't believe this stuff happens.  When I was proposed to, my ex was kneeling in our bedroom in his work uniform and asked me in the voice of Daffy Duck.  Cheesy? Yes.  Romantic? No.  I have never had that guy who just sends me flowers because he is thinking about me, or buy me jewelry because he thought of me when he saw it.  Quite frankly, I'm glad I haven't.  This sets the expectations so much higher than they should be.  I know there is no real Noah, or Jack, or any of the other fictional loves.  But I'm also in reality with the fact that there are guys out there who are just as much of a gentleman as those men. I don't need 365 letters, but a cute note on the bathroom mirror? Hell yes I'll take take that!  Who needs that huge Disney proposal? I'll take a day out fishing and mudding and you kneel in the mud and ask me.  I don't need a ritzy restaurant  cook for me and I'll swoon.  

I think we need a reality check into what is romantic. Because clearly, this crap doesn't actually happen in real life. Or maybe it does and I'm missing out on it. 

Nah- this crap can't really happen.  But if someone wants to come up to me while I'm sitting at a table with my parents and proclaim, "Nobody puts baby in a corner!" and start up a flash mob, I'm okay with this.  

Really, cue music now.