And then I decided to rip out my hair....

I am not sure how some of you handle being a mom.  I mean, you get the smiles and the cuddles, you hold this magical power to cure pain with a kiss, and don't forget those wonderful coo's.  That alone makes almost everything worth it.  But you also get the screaming at 2 in the morning, and the poo everywhere that you inevitably end up wearing at some point during the day. You battle other people who think they know what is best for you child, even those who have never had a child of their own (because obviously they know how it is supposed to work, and its NOT what you're doing).  Clearly I am a new mom, and a single one at that, but hot damn this is not for the faint of heart.  I am currently juggling going back to school to finish what I started (getting my BSN), raising my daughter, and acquiring a part time job to fund this madness.  But some mornings I swear to you, there is no desire to get out of bed or even think about trekking up those mountainous things they call stairs to go make a bottle.

This picture is brought to you by...

exhaustion and a tummy full of milk!

I have noticed my biggest problem.  I have tried to combine to lives that don't easily combine.  Let's review here:

-I am still trying to exercise like a 21 year old.  I want to jump into these crazy routines and slam protein and lose weight.  Have you ever tried to work out with a newborn?  You can have them fast asleep and the second you pick up a weight or start up that elliptical their little eyes shoot open and they decide to summon their inner demon and shriek while their head spins round like the exorcism.  Any groove you had or your heart rate has no plummeted and you get the start the task of starting all over.  Give it about 4 rounds of this and you start to question whether it really matters if you lose that baby fat.

-College has no benefits while raising a child.  It is another time sucker and it will eat away at your soul.  It adds stress and gives you 87 hours of homework and studying you need to accomplish.  That in itself is a full time job.  Oh wait, so is raising a child.  When was the last time you worked two full time jobs? Probably never because you like your sanity.  Some of us like to gamble with that sanity and see how much we can take on. And sometimes we find ourselves taking class notes on a diaper, and that's perfectly okay (give us two more cups of coffee and we might even notice what we're doing).

Give us a minute... or forty

-Speaking of jobs, you have to make money somehow, right? Ah yes, you have to pay for diapers because the last time I checked the magical pacifier fairy (who steal/hides all the pacifiers from me) doesn't have a sister who makes formula and diapers appear.  As lovely as that would be.

-Here is my biggest struggle.... I am only 21!  Do I love my daughter? To the moon and back. Are there nights that I just wish I could go out drinking without having to worry about finding a baby sitter, or the extra cost of that night out?  YES! Does this make me a bad parent? No.  I have seen too many new moms who have fizzled and burned because they are all baby all the time.  No breaks creates a mental break, and you need your sanity to be a mom.  Every mom needs a free night.  Whether you use that free night to go out and drink at the bar, go to a concert, or just get a solid night of sleep- we all need it.

At the end of the day you're exhausted, you have laundry piled high, you realize you have really only had coffee to eat that day, you still have yet to have a shower, and you might want to consider brushing your hair. But then you notice that sweet angel next to you fast asleep, and you soak it in.  Because no matter how hectic your life is, no matter how backed up you are in what you need to get done, nothing will compare to seeing that sweet smile at you, hearing those early morning coo's, or when she curls up and grasps your shirt and won't let go.  It won't matter how many days it has been since your last shower, or when the last time you had a conversation that wasn't in baby talk.  You would take on more if it meant she will have a good life, and then do it all over again.

Much love y'all :)