Medical Jargon

So, I have decided to take this blog a different way.  Since I have been busier than a whore in the Red Light District with both my jobs and schooling, I have been trying to come up with good ideas to write about.  While sitting in the medical section of Barnes and Nobles the other day, I found a book that I plan on devouring soon.  It's called, "Confessions of a Surgeon."  The author goes into real life problems and incidents as a teaching guides for young surgeons coming up through the farm.  Now how many of you have seen the movie Waiting?  It's a first hand look at how waiters work.  Now obviously it is geared to be a comedy, but it was based off of a book where the author basically wrote about how much it sucked being a waiter.  So why couldn't I do the same with my job?  Besides the obvious with HIPAA and what not, I started looking into it.  As long as I changed their names and never disclose where I work (or at least change the name) I can talk freely about anything going on. Thus, the new blog idea was born.  I am going to talk about real life problems as a CNA/PCA and an up and coming medical student.

Now while you are training for you CNA certification, you are considered a BNA.  I like to call them snowflakes, because they often flake out on you and are state mandated to wear white scrubs.  The problem with these BNAs, they often forget that they control someones life while they are on the clock. Some don't realize how much they do control, or how much responsibility rests on their shoulders. But, we all start somewhere and we were all snowflakes at some point, so in due time they will learn all the tricks to the trade. However, while on the floor the BNAs have to ask to breath let alone give any care as any person on our floor are our responsibilities, and while we might not have given the care (right or wrong) we are responsible for them.  Which means, if they mess up, it's out fault.  And our certification.   

We have had these snowflakes on the floor with us for about two weeks now.  Most of them have gripped the concept by now, but some of them just feel they are God's gift and no longer have anything to learn from us.  When we have one of these dirty snowflakes with their nose up in the air, we strike them down, hard.  Shelby is one of those.  Now on our hall, we have a few residents who are on a fluid restriction.  Basically, if we let them, they would drink the Atlantic ocean and then pee themselves for the next 6 hours.  So, like a bar we have to cut them off.  During lunch, these residents with a drinking problem are all tagged, so it becomes easier to recognize them.  Now like I said before, the BNAs are not allowed to do ANYTHING without asking us if it is okay.  It was just another lunch, same thing different day.  The snowflakes were helping out in the dinning room, shouldn't be too hard right? Apparently it was.  Now, we had warned the snowflakes of our heavy drinkers, and reminded them to not refill any of their drinks.  

Well, Shelby decided she knew more than we did and refilled Mama K's coffee cup.  We noticed after she quickly downed the cup that Shelby had refilled her cup. After reminding her again to not refill her drink, we continued to help the other snowflakes feed some of our other residents.  But guess what? Shelby decided to refill her cup again.  Oh we aren't done yet, she then gave her a glass of water.  This probably doesn't seem like that big of deal, but trust me it was.  Poor Mama K didn't stand a chance.  She barely made it down the hall in her wheel chair before she was dripping piss.  Naturally, we got lovely Shelby to come change her.  Mean? No, learning experience.  We figured she could handle changing a brief (a nicer way of saying adult diaper) by herself.  After about 20 minutes, she came and found me to ask if I could take her oxygen off since as a BNA she can't legally take that off of a resident.  Now, this was step one so what was she doing for 20 minutes?  Oh well, I'll let it slide.  I get the oxygen and let her get back to doing what she was gifted to do.  As if her pouting about having to change a brief wasn't funny enough for us (it was a long day, it was funny) as Shelby was transferring Mama K to the porcelain thrown, Mama K decided to piss and shit all over Shelby's leg and shoes, oh and the floor.  Shelby ran out of the room, running down the hall way, tracking her present with her.  

She ran and started crying to her teacher, asking her if house keeping could go clean the room up.  Like a good teacher, Jay informed her that house keeping doesn't deal with bio-hazards such as blood, or shit, handed her a sanitizer bottle and told her to not miss a spot.  So picture this girl, in sweats a size too small, knelt on the ground cleaning this up.  The entire time she is cussing us out just loud enough so we can hear.  Honestly, it might have been the funniest thing I have ever seen.  If you're wondering what happened to Mama K, don't worry.  We helped her get cleaned up the right way, no more snowflakes for her.  

I think that will be the first segment for this blog, don't want to give away all my stories on the first post.  But I will leave you with a little gem.  Now we are all a bit loopy around the nursing home.  You kind of have to be to deal with the end result of some of the residents.  But imagine seven CNAs and three nurses all in a conga line, running around the home asking everyone if they knew what day it was.... that's right HUMP DAAAYYYYY!!!! Yea, we're nuts.  But hey, we bring great joy to the the residents and that's all that matters.  Much love y'all!