First off, let me thank you for the year we had together. I really learned who I was. And I don't mean who I was with you. I learned the true meaning of a dollar, the true worth of someone's word. I accomplished a dream of mine, getting to work in the medical field. I started school back up, something I never thought I would get back into. I purchased my first car, threw down my first down payment on a place, and even experienced what penny pinching was.
Thank you for cheating on me.
Honestly.
You introduced me to self preservation. It's not that I won't trust anyone anymore, but now I will do so more deliberately. You forced me to leave the comfort I knew and forced me to make decisions for myself, who I truly am, not who I was trying to be. I realized I could be with someone so much better, myself. Thank you for taking all the furniture and leaving me with blankets, a TV and the cable. You taught me how to find joy with nothing. And ultimately you forced me to move back closer to my family. That was a blessing I didn't even know about at the time.
Thank you for the weekend we spent together months after we split. "Trying to see how it felt" was just an excuse to get into my bed, and it worked. Call me sentimental, but I guess memories of happiness allowed you to walk right past my walls. However, it finalized in my mind that we would never be able to work, and that it was a good thing our engagement fell apart. But above that, it gave me my most prized possession. You gave me our daughter.
I know you don't see her as yours, quite frankly I believe your exact words when I called you to tell you the news were, "Fuck off." I cried, scared that she would blame me for you not wanting to be around. Blame me for you choosing to be a dad to your girlfriend's daughter and not your own. And then it hit me; it was a blessing. I would never have to share those hugs or her kisses she gives while nuzzling her head into your cheek. Only my chest would she fall asleep on. Sharing a bed would mean with her only. When she is older and has a boo-boo, I will be the only one she runs to. I don't have to share late night snuggles or early morning giggles.
Sure, there is no one to share the spit up with, or help with the midnight crying while I take too long to make a bottle. No one to take shifts on diapers or maybe hold her while I mop up my own sleep deprived tears at 3 am. But I'm glad. I wouldn't trade any of this for the world. She makes me a better person. Everything I do in my life, I do for this little girl. No longer am I striving to be better for a man, but for a little girl with the most brilliant blues eyes like her mama. In her eyes, I am a hero.
I am both mom and dad. I will hold her while she cries over the boy, and then hunt him down. I will do her hair for prom, and then threaten her date that on time really means 5 minutes early. I am both the maternal love and paternal strength. I am capable of anything. And it was thanks to your lack of responsibility and compassion that I am able to see this. Your selfishness has shown me how to be the most amazing person I could ever imagine becoming. One day she will be old enough to see who raised her, who made the sacrifices for her.
See, you left me and her behind. You have your own life now and have happily moved on with your life. And for all of this I thank you. Thank you for showing me the real man you are. Thank you for leaving and showing me that I deserved so much more than you. Thank you for stepping aside so a man who is better suited for the situation could step up to the plate you so sheepishly ran from; someone who offered to help instead of being scared of the situation. Thank you for showing me that my happily ever after is with a little girl who scrunches her nose when she smiles while she shares her puffs with the dog.
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