I think it is safe to say almost all of us have experienced a breakup before. Some are more devastating than others. Some make you feel worthless, others make you feel good about yourself. So why is it, that when it comes to letting go, it's so hard? One would think no matter how the breakup went, it should be easy to just close that door. Think about that for a second if you're disagreeing with me. If it makes you feel good about yourself, then you should be able to stand tall and walk away with your dignity intact (or most of it). You're feeling good so there is no picking yourself up off the ground. But, if you have been broken and are completely shattered by this breakup and have to pick yourself up off the ground, why is it so hard to just finish the chapter? They hurt you, or you hurt them, whatever the case may be it hurts. So, why not just shut the portal of hurt and move along with your life?
I guess I am saying this because I am trying to figure out my own emotions. When the ex and I split, I figured I would cry like most people do and move on. And I thought that I had- but if I am truly honest with myself then I know that I am not. Have I had guys try and pursue me? Heck yes. Have I felt anything at all to make me want to let them pursue, or better yet pursue them back? That no would be as fat as a pig on Sunday. I mean, I knew I had some serious feelings for him, seeing as I left a fiance and a family for him. But lets be honest here, why can't I just turn around and shut the door? Should be easy, or at least it is for him. He goes out with girls, and has a great time. Nothing wrong with that. But what is his magical secret? I mean, how do I get rid of that jealous twinge in my side when he gets that smile talking about another girl? Or maybe this is why ex's just should live together.
There has to be something more to this riddle than I am seeing. I mean, I always thought that I had this great ability to bounce back from things. So why not this? After my first boyfriend (which lasted 4 years), I was damn sure upset. Wouldn't you be after 4 years of the same person being in your life and then they suddenly walking out of it? But I feel like I wasn't this upset over things. There was one or two factors that were different that might be playing right into the equation here. One, I didn't live with my first boyfriend, so I didn't get to have those everyday encounters. You expect to see them, but not everyday before work, after work, and every evening. Two, I don't still live with him. And although he does have the "honor" of being my first love, I don't think many people expect their first loves to be their last.
Or maybe it's because of the ominous, "maybe we will get back together down the road." Every girls least favorite words (almost as bad as "it's not you, it's me). I'm not exactly sure why people say this. Maybe they do just to lessen the blow of the split, but really it's just false hope. I only know one person who has ever gotten back together with an ex and followed through on those words. Whatever the case may be, I think people need to stop saying this as much. We throw around words like love and forever, and don't truly mean it. Empty promises are abundant and the false hope is flooding over the optimists' buckets.
I meant for this not to be as personal as I just made this. I think I more or less just ranted instead of vaguely pointing out problems. I kinda suck at not exploiting details. Nevertheless, hopefully you followed my logic. Much love y'all!
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